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Band 7.5

Nowadays environmental problems are too big to be managed by individual persons or individual countries. In other words, it is an international problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#persons #countries
In
this
 day and age, there are some environmental issues which are too big to be controlled by each person or individual country.
On the other hand
, it is a global problem these days. As far as I am concerned, I completely agree with
this
 point of view.
This
 essay will discuss both sides, thoroughly. To commence with the negative effects. First and foremost, environmental problems include
air
pollution
, lack of
water
, deforestation and others. It leads to an international complication. Neither each city nor individual persons is able to tackle these issues.
This
 is because as I mentioned above, it is becoming a global problem day by day. Apart from that, for the being time, almost all of the countries are cutting the trees for making various furniture or for construction or for other purposes.
Therefore
, there are not enough trees in order to provide oxygen.
Then
, it will cause
air
pollution
.
Furthermore
, people use
water
 for unnecessary things or tasks these days.
For instance
, local people utilize
water
 for agriculture more than they require. So, it leads to a lack of
water
. On the one hand, there are some positive impacts on the population. First of all, driving cars cause
air
pollution
. If they do not drive their own cars, they should use the public transport.
However
, there are some difficulties that they have to cope with.
For example
, having not enough seats, overcrowding, noise or others. Not only driving vehicles are causing
air
pollution
, but factories and industrial companies have a negative influence too. But in some countries, the government cannot ban these companies. If they do, there will be unemployment.
Thus
, the government is not able to forbid it. Not only for the country but
also
 for the population of
this
 country. By way of conclusion, I once again restate my position creating more environmental troubles is making life around the world more complicated.
Submitted by Shaxnoza on

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Task Achievement
Make sure your argumentation is consistent and focuses on directly addressing the essay question. While you've covered various aspects well, ensure each paragraph contributes clearly to your overall argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow and coherence of your essay. This will help in making your essay more cohesive.
Task Achievement
Try to be more specific with your examples. Using well-known or easy-to-understand examples can significantly enhance the strength of your arguments.
Task Achievement
You've clearly stated your position, which is great for the clarity of your essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-delivered. This adds a good frame to your essay, helping readers understand the structure.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • collective action
  • climate change
  • rising sea levels
  • extreme weather events
  • biodiversity loss
  • ecosystems
  • Convention on Biological Diversity
  • significant improvements
  • sovereignty
  • environmental policies
  • international collaboration
  • environmental degradation
  • shared responsibility
  • technological advances
  • innovative solutions
  • international cooperation
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