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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that robots will play an important role in future societies, while others argue that robots might have negative effects on society. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #robots #role #future #societies #effects #society
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Some people believe that
robots
 will play an important role in future societies,
while
 others argue that
robots
 might have negative effects on society. Discuss both views and give your opinion On the one hand, some think that
robots
 will replace humans to play an important role in future societies.
On the other hand
, others discuss that
robots
 might be harmful to society. In my perspective, both statements could be correct.
To begin
 with, these days
robots
 make life more comfortable and faster.
For instance
, they can work more cheaply and carefully without making mistakes and getting tired;
that is
 why
robots
 will probably play some important roles helped by AI. If
robots
 are equipped with AI, they can improve the effectiveness of their decisions. Of course,
due to
 the lack of emotions in
robots
, they can’t replace humans in some ways that require deep decision-making. Another point of view is that in the case of extensive use of
robots
, some bad effects can be expected.
For example
, people may less often utilize their brains to solve problems and it is very bad for improving your thinking skills. After using cell phones, we don’t memorize phone numbers. The application of
robots
 in industries can
also
 cause a decline in the amount of physical
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 done.
In addition
, the irregular use of
robots
 breeds laziness in people. I think work is necessary for everyone.
To sum up
,
this
 comparison between two sentences is not completely correct, because both sentences might be right in some situations.
Although
robots
 inevitably enter to make decisions in a crisis, whether or not they will have negative effects depends on our
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
. I think that if we use them normally, they can be very useful. We can
also
 make a better world with
robots
, but if we abuse them, they can be harmful to human societies.
Submitted by hamedborna on

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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of your essay by organizing your points more clearly. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and maintains focus on it throughout.
task achievement
Use more relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. This will make your essay more convincing and relatable.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to coherence within paragraphs. Make sure that your ideas flow smoothly from one to another and that each sentence logically follows the previous one.
task achievement
You have provided a balanced discussion of both views regarding the role of robots in future societies, which enhances the completeness of your response.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively wraps up the main points discussed in the essay, providing a thoughtful reflection on the topic.
task achievement
Your use of phrases like 'for instance' and 'for example' shows a good attempt to provide examples, even if they could be more specific.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Artificial intelligence (AI)
  • Automation
  • Cybernetics
  • Efficiency
  • Job displacement
  • Manual labor
  • Robotics
  • Sophisticated machinery
  • Technological advancements
  • Workplace safety
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