In some countries, people encourage students to find part-time jobs while some people don't. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#countries #people #students #jobs

So many students across the

worl

Correct your spelling

world

are

ecourage

Correct your spelling

encouraged

encourage

people

study

and to work part-time

Change preposition

show examples

the same time,

while

others disagree. In my opinion, as a student finding a part-time

job

will make you

Change the verb form

apply

show examples

spend some time there and

not

Rephrase

apply

show examples

will not let you

Change the verb form

apply

show examples

focus

study

Wrong verb form

studying

show examples

enough. On the one hand, there are some

people

that believe is

good

Correct article usage

a good

show examples

ideea

Correct your spelling

idea

for students to start working part-time

while

studying. I personally believe that as a student you should

focus

on university more than finding a part-time

job

because for

people

is enough to

study

and is already hard, having an extra

job

to do, will make you

focus

less on

study

Wrong verb form

studying

show examples

and you will need to split yourself in two different places.

On the other hand

, some

people

believe that as a student you need to just

study

and forget about a

job

until you finish your

studyies

Correct your spelling

studies

. I believe that the answer

for

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show examples

succes

Correct your spelling

success

is to

focus

on only one point, in

thine

Correct your spelling

this

case, studying, so

firstly

finish your

study

Fix the agreement mistake

studies

show examples

and only after that find a

job

To conclude

, having a

part time

Add a hyphen

part-time

show examples

job

while

studying, will keep you unfocused when is about

prepare

Change the form of the verb

preparing

show examples

yourself for your future. The best

choise

Correct your spelling

choice

is to finish your

study

Fix the agreement mistake

studies

show examples

first and

then

start

loking

Correct your spelling

looking

for a good

job

Submitted by atomoiaga46 on Sat Apr 06 2024

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Task Achievement

Make sure to clearly discuss both sides of the argument before presenting your own opinion. Your essay seems to focus more on the negatives of part-time work without fully exploring its potential benefits.

Task Achievement

Try to provide more specific examples or evidence to support your points. This can make your argument more convincing and comprehensive.

Coherence & Cohesion

Work on sentence structure and grammar to improve readability and cohesion. Avoid run-on sentences and ensure proper use of punctuation.

Coherence & Cohesion

Use paragraphs effectively to organize your essay. A clear introduction, followed by separate paragraphs for each viewpoint, and a conclusion, can greatly enhance the logical flow of your writing.

Structure

You have successfully introduced and concluded the topic according to the essay prompt, which is a good structure.

Opinion

You present a clear personal opinion, which is an essential part of the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

220 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In some countries, people encourage students to find part-time jobs while some people don't. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people think that governments should invest mainly in making public transportation faster while other think there are more important priorities (cost, the environment). Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people feel that governments should take a large proportion of people’s salaries to pay for necessary public services as roads and schools. Others feel that high taxes are a bad thing. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that all university students should study whatever they like. Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

the plans below compare 2 floors of one trade conference held in 2009 and 2010