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In some countries, people encourage students to find part-time jobs while some people don't. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#countries #people #students #jobs
So many students across the
worl
Correct your spelling
world
 are
ecourage
Correct your spelling
encouraged
encourage
 by
people
 to
study
 and to work part-time
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the same time,
while
 others disagree. In my opinion, as a student finding a part-time
job
 will make you
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
spend some time there and
not
Rephrase
apply
show examples
will not let you
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
focus
 on
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
 enough. On the one hand, there are some
people
 that believe is
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
ideea
Correct your spelling
idea
 for students to start working part-time
while
 studying. I personally believe that as a student you should
focus
 on university more than finding a part-time
job
 because for
people
 is enough to
study
 and is already hard, having an extra
job
 to do, will make you
focus
 less on
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
 and you will need to split yourself in two different places.
On the other hand
, some
people
 believe that as a student you need to just
study
 and forget about a
job
 until you finish your
studyies
Correct your spelling
studies
. I believe that the answer
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
succes
Correct your spelling
success
 is to
focus
 on only one point, in
thine
Correct your spelling
this
 case, studying, so
firstly
 finish your
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
 and only after that find a
job
.
To conclude
, having a
part time
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
job
while
 studying, will keep you unfocused when is about
prepare
Change the form of the verb
preparing
show examples
 yourself for your future. The best
choise
Correct your spelling
choice
 is to finish your
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
 first and
then
 start
loking
Correct your spelling
looking
 for a good
job
.
Submitted by atomoiaga46 on

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Task Achievement
Make sure to clearly discuss both sides of the argument before presenting your own opinion. Your essay seems to focus more on the negatives of part-time work without fully exploring its potential benefits.
Task Achievement
Try to provide more specific examples or evidence to support your points. This can make your argument more convincing and comprehensive.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on sentence structure and grammar to improve readability and cohesion. Avoid run-on sentences and ensure proper use of punctuation.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use paragraphs effectively to organize your essay. A clear introduction, followed by separate paragraphs for each viewpoint, and a conclusion, can greatly enhance the logical flow of your writing.
Structure
You have successfully introduced and concluded the topic according to the essay prompt, which is a good structure.
Opinion
You present a clear personal opinion, which is an essential part of the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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