Bạn đã gửisome people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money.How might having a lot of money make people happy?What other things in life can make people happy?

#bạn #gửisome #people #life #money

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

It has been frequently argued that in the current period, few

people

Use synonyms

protest that when

mental

Change the word

mentally

show examples

happy,

people

Use synonyms

will

happy

Add a missing verb

be happy

show examples

However

Linking Words

, many individuals argue that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

money

Use synonyms

can make

human

Fix the agreement mistake

humans

show examples

cheerful. I will shed light on my stance in the following essay.

To begin

Linking Words

with, I wouldn't say

money

Use synonyms

brings gladness and I would say it can dramatically increase the opportunity for citizens to be satisfied.

For example

Linking Words

money

Use synonyms

allows

nation

Correct article usage

the nation

show examples

stop

Fix the infinitive

to stop

show examples

worrying enough to enjoy life. I mean it lets others get more life experiences

such

Linking Words

as learning to ride a horse or diving in some

Medxican

Correct your spelling

Mexican

caves. It

also

Linking Words

lets

people

Use synonyms

take care of their health.

For instance

Linking Words

, go to the gym or swimming pool. On the

others

Correct quantifier usage

other

show examples

hand, it is

common

Add an article

a common

show examples

belief that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

residents

labor

Change the spelling

labour

show examples

long hours, day and night, and even when they are unwell.

However

Linking Words

, with great human ambition,

money

Use synonyms

is never enough. Even if we work for decades and work hard, we still do not feel complete. To be honest, it is determined by individuals their needs and desires, their

preception

Correct your spelling

perception

show examples

of the world in general and happiness

in particular

Linking Words

. Some citizens in my country feel cheerful with pets or spending time with family and friends.

Moreover

Linking Words

, these

people

Use synonyms

are grateful for minor mercies and appreciate every moment of their lives. Others take pleasure in dancing, singing, getting new experiences, doing things they love to do and helping other

people

Use synonyms

For instance

Linking Words

nation

Correct article usage

a nation

show examples

feels joyful only after purchasing something. They dream or

dreamt

Correct your spelling

dream

show examples

about or just window shopping

as well as

Linking Words

those who take pleasure in pampering themselves and meditating. In short, having determination about

money

Use synonyms

will help individuals advance, but that doesn't mean our life only revolves around it. Enjoy the best things the world has to offer

human

Fix the agreement mistake

humans

show examples

, calm down and feel it

Submitted by quynhtranhbh on Sun Apr 07 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

clarity

Keep practicing enhancing the clarity and structure of your essay to make it more compelling. Consider using clear topic sentences at the beginning of paragraphs to guide the reader.

support

Work on expanding and supporting your main points with specific examples and explanations. This makes your argument stronger and more persuasive.

grammar

Remember to re-read your essay to check for and correct grammatical errors and typos. Developing this habit will improve the overall quality of your writing.

engagement

Engage more actively with the essay prompt. Ensure that you fully address all parts of the task, including explaining how money can make people happy and discussing alternative sources of happiness.

balanced argument

You provided a balanced view, discussing both the impact of money on happiness and exploring other sources of happiness, which shows good engagement with the essay topic.

creative thinking

Your essay includes a variety of ideas and viewpoints, demonstrating creativity and critical thinking.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

300 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7.5
band
Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Opinions on the effects of freedom on children are divided. Some individuals argue that letting them choose their daily needs may lead to the development of self-centred characteristics. Others think that it is imperative for children to have an understanding of the various factors that have shaped their development. In my opinion, I believe that children must still be under parental supervision to make any decision.
7
band
10.Some people think that language school be taught in small classes, while other people think the number of students in a language class does not matter. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
In today’s world, many people argue that language school which is given in the small group can be affected their student’s abilities. Whereas the others think that the amount of students in the class does not have any impact. In my point of view, the small classes could be more effective for many students. However, this essay will discuss both of the arguments in the following paragraphs.
4.5
band
Whether or not someone achieves their aims is mostly by a question of luck. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In recent times, many think that luck is a major trait to get succed in one’s goal. I completely deny this statement because studious work plays a crucial role to become a successful person in their life.
5.5
band
With growing populations in cities, more and more people live in homes with little or no outdoor space. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
It's hard to deny that with the increasing city residents, expanding number of people choose to buy house without outdoor place because of lower price and such fact leads impressionable people to generate their idea that citizens' mental health can be improved because of smaller financial stress. However, such statement suffers from both logical and factual fallacies and it should be examined meticulously. As far as traditional culture, urban environment and health are concerned, I strongly hold that the whole phenomenon tends to be negative.
7.5
band
Full- time students should not spend a lot of time on studying, but the should be involved in other activities too. To what extend do you agree or disagree?
Recently, since many students often spend a high amount of their time studying, it is believed that they should participate in other activities and events instead of studying for the whole time. In my opinion, I completely agree with this point of view.

Bạn đã gửisome people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money.How might having a lot of money make people happy?What other things in life can make people happy?

Your opinion

10.Some people think that language school be taught in small classes, while other people think the number of students in a language class does not matter. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Whether or not someone achieves their aims is mostly by a question of luck. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

With growing populations in cities, more and more people live in homes with little or no outdoor space. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Full- time students should not spend a lot of time on studying, but the should be involved in other activities too. To what extend do you agree or disagree?