Bạn đã gửisome people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money.How might having a lot of money make people happy?What other things in life can make people happy?

#bạn #gửisome #people #life #money

It has been frequently argued that in the current period, few

people

protest that when

mental

Change the word

mentally

show examples

happy,

people

will

happy

Add a missing verb

be happy

show examples

However

, many individuals argue that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

money

can make

human

Fix the agreement mistake

humans

show examples

cheerful. I will shed light on my stance in the following essay.

To begin

with, I wouldn't say

money

brings gladness and I would say it can dramatically increase the opportunity for citizens to be satisfied.

For example

money

allows

nation

Correct article usage

the nation

show examples

stop

Fix the infinitive

to stop

show examples

worrying enough to enjoy life. I mean it lets others get more life experiences

such

as learning to ride a horse or diving in some

Medxican

Correct your spelling

Mexican

caves. It

also

lets

people

take care of their health.

For instance

, go to the gym or swimming pool. On the

others

Correct quantifier usage

other

show examples

hand, it is

common

Add an article

a common

show examples

belief that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

residents

labor

Change the spelling

labour

show examples

long hours, day and night, and even when they are unwell.

However

, with great human ambition,

money

is never enough. Even if we work for decades and work hard, we still do not feel complete. To be honest, it is determined by individuals their needs and desires, their

preception

Correct your spelling

perception

show examples

of the world in general and happiness

in particular

. Some citizens in my country feel cheerful with pets or spending time with family and friends.

Moreover

, these

people

are grateful for minor mercies and appreciate every moment of their lives. Others take pleasure in dancing, singing, getting new experiences, doing things they love to do and helping other

people

For instance

nation

Correct article usage

a nation

show examples

feels joyful only after purchasing something. They dream or

dreamt

Correct your spelling

dream

show examples

about or just window shopping

as well as

those who take pleasure in pampering themselves and meditating. In short, having determination about

money

will help individuals advance, but that doesn't mean our life only revolves around it. Enjoy the best things the world has to offer

human

Fix the agreement mistake

humans

show examples

, calm down and feel it

Submitted by quynhtranhbh on Sun Apr 07 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

clarity

Keep practicing enhancing the clarity and structure of your essay to make it more compelling. Consider using clear topic sentences at the beginning of paragraphs to guide the reader.

support

Work on expanding and supporting your main points with specific examples and explanations. This makes your argument stronger and more persuasive.

grammar

Remember to re-read your essay to check for and correct grammatical errors and typos. Developing this habit will improve the overall quality of your writing.

engagement

Engage more actively with the essay prompt. Ensure that you fully address all parts of the task, including explaining how money can make people happy and discussing alternative sources of happiness.

balanced argument

You provided a balanced view, discussing both the impact of money on happiness and exploring other sources of happiness, which shows good engagement with the essay topic.

creative thinking

Your essay includes a variety of ideas and viewpoints, demonstrating creativity and critical thinking.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

300 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

<4
band
In some countries schoolchilren wear a uniform.In others, they can wear whatever they want at school. what are advetages and disadvantages of having school uniforms?
In several countries,the pupils wear a uniform.In another,they can wear whatever they want at school.
5
band
Most countries spend large amount of money on weapons to defend themselves though they are not at war. Some believe those countries should spend the money to help poor countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Lots of people suppose that the authorities should spend money on assisting underdeveloped countries instead of spending on improving their military strength as they must not face any risks of war. In my view, I agree with this statement.
6.5
band
There are many people who go to live in different countries. To what extent should people be allowed to move freely between countries and live where they choose? What are the benefits and drawbacks of this?
Today, more and more people are moving to other countries , which can lead to demographic, economic and ecological issues.
4.5
band
The growth in crime among teenagers can be attributed to an increase in the use of violent video games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
These days, crime rates have been increasing tremendously than the previous era. Some say that increasing the crime ratio among youngsters have highlighted to use of violent video games enormously. I firmly disagree with this statement and I will explanations. explian why I offose this statement for the further reasons.
5.5
band
Nowadays shop have extended opening hours almost everyday of the week in many countries. Is it a positive or negative development for shoppers and local communities?
Physical sales hall has always been a better alternative for more sustainable shopping with fewer fraudulent activities. However, in recent times, business owners have increased their period of buying and selling on a daily basis in different nations. This essay will discuss two main reasons it is an indisputable progress both for customers and merchants.

Bạn đã gửisome people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money.How might having a lot of money make people happy?What other things in life can make people happy?

Your opinion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In some countries schoolchilren wear a uniform.In others, they can wear whatever they want at school. what are advetages and disadvantages of having school uniforms?

Most countries spend large amount of money on weapons to defend themselves though they are not at war. Some believe those countries should spend the money to help poor countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

There are many people who go to live in different countries. To what extent should people be allowed to move freely between countries and live where they choose? What are the benefits and drawbacks of this?

The growth in crime among teenagers can be attributed to an increase in the use of violent video games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays shop have extended opening hours almost everyday of the week in many countries. Is it a positive or negative development for shoppers and local communities?