Bạn đã gửisome people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money.How might having a lot of money make people happy?What other things in life can make people happy?
It has been frequently argued that in the current period, few
people
protest that when mental
happy, Change the word
mentally
people
will happy
. Add a missing verb
be happy
However
, many individuals argue that,
Remove the comma
apply
money
can make human
cheerful. I will shed light on my stance in the following essay.
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
To begin
with, I wouldn't say money
brings gladness and I would say it can dramatically increase the opportunity for citizens to be satisfied. For example
, money
allows nation
Correct article usage
the nation
stop
worrying enough to enjoy life. I mean it lets others get more life experiences Fix the infinitive
to stop
such
as learning to ride a horse or diving in some Medxican
caves. It Correct your spelling
Mexican
also
lets people
take care of their health. For instance
, go to the gym or swimming pool.
On the others
hand, it is Correct quantifier usage
other
common
belief thatAdd an article
a common
,
residents Remove the comma
apply
labor
long hours, day and night, and even when they are unwell. Change the spelling
labour
However
, with great human ambition, money
is never enough. Even if we work for decades and work hard, we still do not feel complete. To be honest, it is determined by individuals their needs and desires, their preception
of the world in general and happiness Correct your spelling
perception
in particular
. Some citizens in my country feel cheerful with pets or spending time with family and friends. Moreover
, these people
are grateful for minor mercies and appreciate every moment of their lives. Others take pleasure in dancing, singing, getting new experiences, doing things they love to do and helping other people
. For instance
, nation
feels joyful only after purchasing something. They dream or Correct article usage
a nation
dreamt
about or just window shopping Correct your spelling
dream
as well as
those who take pleasure in pampering themselves and meditating.
In short, having determination about money
will help individuals advance, but that doesn't mean our life only revolves around it. Enjoy the best things the world has to offer human
, calm down and feel itFix the agreement mistake
humans
Submitted by quynhtranhbh on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
clarity
Keep practicing enhancing the clarity and structure of your essay to make it more compelling. Consider using clear topic sentences at the beginning of paragraphs to guide the reader.
support
Work on expanding and supporting your main points with specific examples and explanations. This makes your argument stronger and more persuasive.
grammar
Remember to re-read your essay to check for and correct grammatical errors and typos. Developing this habit will improve the overall quality of your writing.
engagement
Engage more actively with the essay prompt. Ensure that you fully address all parts of the task, including explaining how money can make people happy and discussing alternative sources of happiness.
balanced argument
You provided a balanced view, discussing both the impact of money on happiness and exploring other sources of happiness, which shows good engagement with the essay topic.
creative thinking
Your essay includes a variety of ideas and viewpoints, demonstrating creativity and critical thinking.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?