IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Tourism contributes significant amount of income to many countries. Discuss the advantages and the disadvantages of this

#tourism #amount #income #countries
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In contemporary society, the income from
tourism
Use synonyms
 has become increasingly prominent.
While
Linking Words
 some experts believe that
tourism
Use synonyms
 can benefit the economy of a country, others say that it alleviates small communities. Personally, I strongly advocate for the former view.
Thus
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 essay aims to explore the benefits and drawbacks that
tourism
Use synonyms
 has on countries. One notable benefit of
tourism
Use synonyms
 is the unparalleled convenience it offers various aspects of an economy.
This
Linking Words
 trend is twofold; touristic attractions provide financial aid for the transportation and hospitality sectors of a country, which
overall
Linking Words
 impacts the GDP of an economy.
For instance
Linking Words
, the city of Cape Town is the richest city in South Africa
due to
Linking Words
 Table Mountain, which is a momentous destination that attracts individuals from around the world. Given
this
Linking Words
, restaurants, hotels, local craft shops and transportation systems have gained significantly from
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is my opinion that
tourism
Use synonyms
 is an advantage for all countries.
Although
Linking Words
 there are merits to
this
Linking Words
 trend, it fails to support peaceful towns. To illustrate
this
Linking Words
, Margate Beach has become extremely popular, which resulted in local residents
to relocate
Change the verb form
relocating
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, towns that
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 become succumbed to
tourism
Use synonyms
, often neglect the peacefulness that once resided in the town. With more tourists in the area, traffic congestions worsen and the area becomes overpopulated.
Hence
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 there are
immensive
Correct your spelling
immense
immersive
 benefits,
tourism
Use synonyms
 can
also
Linking Words
 disturb the lives of locals. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 it can cause a disturbance for some native communities, I believe the benefits far outweigh the drawbacks. If
tourism
Use synonyms
 continues to grow,
then
Linking Words
 more economies might benefit.
Submitted by jessicajreichel on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Continue to ensure a clear and logical structure in your essays as you've demonstrated here. This well-ordered presentation of ideas significantly enhances your argument.
coherence
Maintain the introduction of clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph, followed by coherent examples and arguments to support your main points.
balance
Remain mindful of the importance of a balanced discussion on topics where you're asked to discuss advantages and disadvantages. Your essay did a good job at this, but ensuring both sides are equally explored can strengthen your argument further.
accuracy
Stay attentive to smaller grammatical errors and spelling. Although they were minimal and did not significantly detract from the overall readability of your essay, constantly refining your accuracy can enhance the quality of your writing.
vocabulary
Your essay demonstrates a strong command of the English language with varied and appropriate vocabulary usage.
sentence structure
You successfully used a range of sentence structures that contributed to the clarity and coherence of your essay.
examples
Effective use of examples to support your points, making your arguments more convincing.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: