IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Crimes and other kinds of information on TV and newspaper have bad consequences. This kind of information should be restricted to be shown in the media. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement.

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Crimes and other kinds of
information
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 on TV and in newspapers can have negative consequences.
This
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 kind of
information
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 should be restricted in the
media
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. I firmly agree with the restriction of some news about bad actions
such
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 as crimes.
To begin
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 with, the
media
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 has a significant influence over
society
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, and anything broadcast should be controlled for the betterment of
society
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. Some cases, particularly those involving cruel actions, can have a detrimental effect on people.
For example
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, children are highly sensitive and their mental health can be adversely affected by exposure to negative news.
Thus
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, restricting
such
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information
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 offers a proper way to mitigate the bad consequences caused by inappropriate content in the
media
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.
Secondly
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, negative data in the
media
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 can lead to social conflicts that disrupt a nation’s harmony. To prevent
such
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 social collisions, we must curtail unfavourable pieces of
information
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 in the
media
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.
For instance
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, racist movements have increased dramatically in recent years partly
due to
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 the unrestricted freedom of publishing in the
media
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. Topics like migration can easily cause dissension in
society
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, and some
media
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 channels exacerbate
this
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 debate, leading to disagreement and violence. In the UK,
for instance
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, negative news about migration has led to increased violence against immigrants.
Therefore
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, controlling
media
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 content is effective for ensuring balance and harmony among different groups in
society
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. In conclusion, publishing immoral or harmful content in the
media
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 can have profound impacts on
society
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. Avoiding these limitations is essential as they may have deleterious effects on children's psychology and contribute to social strife.
Hence
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, restricting certain types of
information
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 in the
media
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 can help maintain social harmony and protect vulnerable individuals.

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task achievement
Try to provide a clearer thesis statement in your introduction. This helps in setting clear expectations for the reader regarding your stance and the main points you will discuss.
coherence cohesion
Though the essay is generally cohesive, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that directly ties back to the main thesis.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and logical structure, making it easy for the reader to follow your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the key arguments and reinforces the thesis.
task achievement
Relevant examples are provided to support your points, making the arguments more compelling.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • psychological impact
  • anxiety
  • fear
  • desensitization
  • sense of insecurity
  • sensationalize
  • viewership
  • readership
  • moral panic
  • unrealistic fear
  • copycat crimes
  • glorify
  • public awareness
  • community involvement
  • accountability
  • transparency
  • restriction
  • freedom of the press
  • democratic principle
  • well-informed citizens
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