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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years that in many cities around the world, there are constant traffic jams. How true you think this statement is? What measures can governments take to discour

Over the past three decades, the number of
people
Use synonyms
 owning
cars
Use synonyms
 has grown at a very fast rate.
As a result
Linking Words
, many
cities
Use synonyms
 across the world face serious
traffic
Use synonyms
 congestion every day. I believe
this
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 statement is mostly true,
although
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 the situation is not the same everywhere. Governments,
however
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, can take several steps to reduce the problem. There is no doubt that
car
Use synonyms
 ownership has risen rapidly in recent years. In many developing countries,
cars
Use synonyms
 have become cheaper and more available to middle-class families.
This
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 has led to crowded roads and daily
traffic
Use synonyms
 jams in large
cities
Use synonyms
such
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 as Jakarta, New Delhi, and Cairo.
In addition
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, population growth and
urbanization
Use the right word
urbanisation
show examples
 have forced more
people
Use synonyms
 to rely on private
cars
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instead
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 of limited public
transport
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.
However
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, some
cities
Use synonyms
 have managed the problem better.
For example
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, Tokyo and Singapore have strong public
transport
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 systems and strict rules on
car
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 use, which reduces congestion to some extent. To address
this
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 issue, governments can take several measures.
First,
Linking Words
they should invest in reliable and affordable public
transport
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as metro systems and electric buses, so that
people
Use synonyms
 do not depend on
cars
Use synonyms
 for daily travel.
Second,
Linking Words
they can introduce congestion charges or higher fuel taxes to discourage unnecessary driving.
Third,
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promoting carpooling, cycling lanes, and pedestrian zones would encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to use alternative means of
transport
Use synonyms
. These steps can reduce both
traffic
Use synonyms
 jams and air pollution. In conclusion,
while
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 it is true that
car
Use synonyms
 ownership has caused major
traffic
Use synonyms
 problems in most
cities
Use synonyms
, governments can reduce the negative effects by improving public
transport
Use synonyms
 and limiting private
car
Use synonyms
 use.

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strengths and improvement
Your view is clear and you give good ideas. Add one more strong point about why the rise happens, and keep a fair balance by adding one quick counter point.
structure
Use shorter sentences. Some lines are long and hard to read. Break long lines into two parts.
coherence
Link the ideas by restating the main idea at the start of each paragraph and finish with a short wrap up in the last line.
development
Give more exact examples or facts to back your claim. Say how many, how, or when to make your point stronger.
content
Clear view on the topic and good use of real places as examples.
structure
Strong opening and conclusion that state the view.
coherence
Good range of link words to connect ideas.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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