Advertising is becoming more and more common in everyday life. Some people say that advertising has a positive impact on our lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#life #people #impact #lives

Commercials are becoming usual in our everyday lives. A group of citizens think advertising has a beneficial effect on our daily lives. I do not believe in

this

argument because they are becoming more annoying rather than effective.

To begin

with, if a company wants to inform the community about the latest product they usually use advertising,

although

this

space has been captured by massive and wealthy companies.

As a result

, if a new business wants to start its career they have to spend a huge amount of money to be noticed in the media.

For example

, if people focus on ads they will find that all of them mention repetitive contexts

such

as Coca-Cola,Nike,and Apple.

Therefore

, they narrowed the way for others.

Additionally

this

system has lost its reliability because during these years the number of products mentioned by advertisements that had bad reputations increased dramatically.

For instance

, the zero-kola at first mentioned as a drink without any drawbacks,

however

last

studies indicated

this

drink might trigger cancer in the human body.

On the other hand

, some believe advertisement is positive because we can find out about the most popular materials and the most modern technology.

Nonetheless

, I think in

this

developed world we can seek on the internet and find users' ideas about equipment and ingredients it is useless to follow companies that aim to control your needs and persuade you to buy them without considering the disadvantages. In conclusion, media and all other display technology have been captured by advertising. In my opinion, is a complete waste of time to follow them because they are inaccurate and they have lost their reliability so it is better to seek information from buyers on social media and find their real feedback.

Submitted by soroushnorouzi0478 on Sun Apr 07 2024

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Structuring

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Specific Examples

Including a wider range of specific examples will help support your arguments more robustly. While you did use examples, expanding on these or adding more could make your points even clearer and stronger.

Vocabulary and Sentence Structure

Work on varying your sentence structures and vocabulary to avoid repetitiveness and to enhance the readability and engagement of your essay. This will also help in expressing your ideas more effectively.

Argument Balancedness

Consider both sides of the argument more thoroughly. While you did address the counterargument, increasing the depth and consideration of opposing views could provide a more balanced and nuanced perspective.

Introduction and Position

You successfully introduced the topic and provided a clear position on the issue, which is essential for the task achievement component.

Essay Structure

Your essay’s overall structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, positively contributes to its coherence and cohesion.

Use of Examples

Using clear examples such as Coca-Cola, Nike, and Apple, and discussing their influence, serves well to support your arguments and makes your writing more persuasive.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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13Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

292 words

7.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Advertising is becoming more and more common in everyday life. Some people say that advertising has a positive impact on our lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

Organising a large family celebration such as a wedding can often create problems. What can be problems associated with organising a large family event and what solutions can you suggest? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant from your own knowledge and experience.

some children spend hours everyday on their smartphones. why is this the case? do you think this is a posotive or a negative development?

Public libraries should only provide books and should not waste their limited resources on expensive high-tech media such as software, videos or DVDs. Do you agree or disagree?