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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In some countries, secondary schools aim to provide a general education across a wide range of subjects. In others, children focus on a narrow range of subjects related to a particular career. For today's world, which system is appropriate? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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These days, there is a widespread disagreement on the issue of whether to teach various
issues
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 to secondary school
students
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 or concentrate on preparing
students
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 for some given occupation.
While
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 some may hold to the conservative view, in
this
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 essay, I intend to argue that the consequences of improving
students
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' knowledge of diverse subjects are far more beneficial. The reasons for
this
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 are as follows. First of all, it is an irrefutable fact that gaining primary knowledge about diverse
issues
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 is essential for a fulfilled life and job nowadays.
Nonetheless
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, unawareness of
issues
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such
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 as social science, good communication, natural science, mathematics or foreign languages could have negative impacts on our lives.
According to
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 research published in 2019, knowledgeable workers in diverse
issues
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 in Microsoft company were more efficient and productive compared to their colleagues.
Thus
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, rather than focusing on nurturing qualified workers from school age, instilling the seriousness of learning diverse
issues
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 is advisable. Yet, perhaps the strongest argument in favour of
this
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 issue is that of public benefits at a large scale. Engaging
students
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 from
such
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 a young age with diverse
issues
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 may broaden their horizons of thinking
as well as
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 improve their innovation and problem-solving skills. All these pave the way for addressing current challenges like global warming and climate change.
Additionally
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,
this
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 approach helps
students
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 to discover their latent talents, allowing them to be effective and prominent people in society. So, if governments wish to have a sustainable society, implementing
this
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 policy in educational systems ensures
such
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 desired achievements. By way of conclusion. I once again reaffirm my position that the benefits of paying attention to general
issues
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 surpass concentrating on limited subjects. Governments could play a significant role in promoting general
issues
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 for all age groups.

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples or case studies to strengthen your arguments further. This will enhance the credibility and relevance of your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that transitions between ideas are consistently smooth, though overall your essay maintains good flow and connection among ideas.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is strong, with clear and organized ideas leading from the introduction through to the conclusion.
task achievement
The essay presents a complete and comprehensive response to the question, addressing both sides and reaching a well-justified conclusion.
task achievement
The language used is generally clear and varied, contributing to a persuasive and engaging essay.
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