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Band 5

Having more money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more free time. Discuss both views and state your opinion.

#money #time
Some
people
 say earning more
money
 with less free
time
 is more beneficial rather than earning
minimum
Correct word choice
less
show examples
money
 with more free
time
. In my opinion, a
big
Correct word choice
large
show examples
 amount of
money
 will lead
people
 to enjoy their free
time
although
 the
time
 is not much.
To begin
 with, earning a lot of
money
 with less free
time
 has some benefits.
First,
it will increase the quality of free
time
 that
people
 have because they will have more opportunities to
fully
Correct your spelling
fulfil
show examples
 their needs by having a lot of
money
.
Second,
people
 could have a fascinating holiday.
For example
, an individual with much
money
 can travel everywhere
while
 some individuals with less
money
 cannot.
On the other hand
, earning less
money
 with more free
time
 has some drawbacks.
First,
people
 tend to fulfil their needs, especially having the best vacation where it needs an amount of
money
.
Second,
people
 with less
money
 don't have the same opportunities as
people
 with more
money
.
For example
, if an individual wants to buy
tersier
Correct your spelling
tarsier
terrier
 things
such
 as brand new mobile phone, car, etc they have limited options. In conclusion,
people
 who have much
money
 with less free
time
 are way better rather than
people
 with more
time
 but with less
money
.
However
, some
people
 believe that
money
 can't buy happiness. So, they prefer to have more
time
 rather than more
money
 because having a lot of
time
 is priceless.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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Sentence Structure
Work on varying your sentence structures more to enhance readability and flow.
Examples
Try to introduce more complex examples that show a wider range of scenarios and perspectives.
Balance and Depth
Consider exploring the opposite viewpoint in greater depth for a more balanced discussion.
Grammar and Accuracy
Be mindful of minor grammatical errors and strive to correct them for a more polished submission.
Argument Clarity
Your essay provides clear arguments for both views and states your opinion convincingly.
Introduction and Conclusion
Good job on having a clear introduction and conclusion that encapsulates your stance effectively.
Use of Examples
You've supported your main points with relevant examples, which strengthens your arguments.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • facilitating
  • lifestyle
  • professional development
  • increased stress
  • work-life balance
  • hobbies
  • quality time
  • physical and mental health
  • financial constraints
  • luxury items
  • overall well-being
  • personal growth
  • middle ground
  • sacrificing
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