In many countries people have to pay for medical care, but some think that it should be a free service provided by the government. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In the modern world, nowadays
health
care
play
a crucial role Change the verb form
plays
for
Change preposition
in
quality
of living of Add an article
the quality
people
, They argue that the government
should give them the benefits of the health
care
system
free. In contrast
many countries people
must pay by
Change preposition
on
own
. I strongly agree Correct pronoun usage
their own
with
the Change preposition
that
government
should take care
the healthcare services
.
There are several reasons for this
, firstly
the health
care
system
is important for cost
of living Add an article
the cost
in
Change preposition
for
people
. Due to the
cost of medical Change preposition
The
services
is so expensive as a result
when people
get sick they will pay for this
Correct determiner usage
these
services
as
impacts Correct word choice
which
to
Change preposition
apply
expense
. Fix the agreement mistake
expenses
Thus
, the government
should make public welfare
for medical care
to reduce expense
of Add an article
the expense
people
. Moreover
, when people
have welfare
the stress from living would decrease meaningfully. As a result
to
address other problems Correct your spelling
it
such
as Correct article usage
an aging
aging
society or low birth rate.
Change the spelling
ageing
Additionally
, the hidden benefits
of the Fix the agreement mistake
benefit
government
health
care
service is taxation from the services
would reverse to the government
, because when poeple
use the medical Correct your spelling
people
welfare
, they will utilize in
the Correct pronoun usage
it in
government
hosipital
. Correct your spelling
hospital
Furthermore
, there are impact to
Change preposition
on
Correct article usage
the mediacal
mediacal
education Correct your spelling
medical
system
, because they can generate source
of case Fix the agreement mistake
sources
study
in the hospital for doctor students. Which Fix the agreement mistake
studies
as
Correct your spelling
has
a
Correct article usage
apply
result
Wrong verb form
resulted
to
the development of Change preposition
in
health
Correct your spelling
healthcare
care
technology and innovations for helping the
Correct article usage
apply
people
.
To conclude
, many
countries Change preposition
in many
people
will pay for their medical care
and services
. In contrast
, some people
suggest that the government
should take action for this
Correct determiner usage
these
services
. I agree with
the Change preposition
that
government
should make welfare
for healthcare
Add an article
the healthcare
system
.Submitted by kungslowjam on
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Stylistic improvement
It's important to proofread your essay for any grammatical errors or typos to enhance the clarity of your argument. Consider employing synonyms to avoid repetition and make your essay more vibrant.
Specific Detail Enhancement
Try to elaborate further on examples to solidify your arguments. While your essay provides a strong stance, more specific examples could strengthen your points.
Structural Improvement
Consider organizing your essay into clearer paragraphs, each dedicated to a specific point. This will not only aid in the reader’s understanding but also enhance the logical flow of your arguments.
Content Strength
Strong stance on the importance of government-provided healthcare, effectively arguing its benefits for individuals and society.
Language Use
Good use of transition words to connect ideas smoothly, which enhances coherence and cohesion throughout the essay.
Structural Strength
Introduction and conclusion are well crafted, providing a clear overview of the essay's position and succinctly summarizing the main points.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.