Many people like to go on holiday abroad, while other believes it is better to visit places within their own country. Discuss both of view and give your opinion.

#people #holiday #visit #places #country

Although

some people tend to

visit

another

country

for a

holiday

to experience something new, others feel that it is better to spend the

holiday

in local

places

in terms of economic reasons. Personally, I agree with the idea of going on

holiday

abroad. Many people tend to choose to

visit

their home

country

for a

holiday

because find it economical. Mostly, people go on vacation with their family which can consist of 4-6 persons, and that will cost a lot of money. So,

instead

of spending that money on booking flights and renting a hotel in a foreign land, they can enjoy their own

country

’s site at much less expense.

For example

, the cost of 4 flight tickets to Japan from Indonesia will be about IDR40.000.000, with that amount of money we can explore any place in

this

country

such

as Bali Island or Lombok.

However

, despite the expenses associated with

traveling

Change the spelling

travelling

show examples

abroad, spending a

holiday

in a foreign

country

may offer some new experiences. There is an abundance of food, culture, and traditions to enjoy during our

holiday

Furthermore

, we can

visit

any

places

that are not present in our own

country

For instance

, a number of international tourists would go to Japan to

visit

Fuji Mountain or Tokyo Tower because there are no

such

places

in their own

country

, and

also

because those two

places

only exist in Japan. In conclusion,

although

spending a

holiday

in our

country

is more economical than a

holiday

abroad, I think visiting foreign states can give a more experiences that we can not find in our own

country

Submitted by ers.2024 on Mon Apr 08 2024

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development

Try to expand on your examples by including more detailed explanations or descriptions, which can help to further support your main points and increase the richness of your essay.

balance

Consider balancing the length of paragraphs discussing both views more evenly. This ensures that each viewpoint is given adequate attention and exploration.

structure

You've done a great job in presenting a clear introduction and conclusion that neatly bookend your essay, effectively setting the stage and wrapping up your argument.

examples

The use of specific examples, such as the cost comparison between holidaying in Japan and in Bali, effectively supports your arguments and brings clarity to your points.

logic

Your essay is logically structured, making it easy for the reader to follow your line of reasoning from the introduction through to the conclusion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

267 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Include an introduction and conclusion

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The pictures show information about average income and spending on food and clothes by an average family in the city in the UK.

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