Many people like to go on holiday abroad, while other believes it is better to visit places within their own country. Discuss both of view and give your opinion.

Although
some people tend to
visit
another
country
for a
holiday
to experience something new, others feel that it is better to spend the
holiday
in local
places
in terms of economic reasons. Personally, I agree with the idea of going on
holiday
abroad. Many people tend to choose to
visit
their home
country
for a
holiday
because find it economical. Mostly, people go on vacation with their family which can consist of 4-6 persons, and that will cost a lot of money. So,
instead
of spending that money on booking flights and renting a hotel in a foreign land, they can enjoy their own
country
’s site at much less expense.
For example
, the cost of 4 flight tickets to Japan from Indonesia will be about IDR40.000.000, with that amount of money we can explore any place in
this
country
such
as Bali Island or Lombok.
However
, despite the expenses associated with
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
abroad, spending a
holiday
in a foreign
country
may offer some new experiences. There is an abundance of food, culture, and traditions to enjoy during our
holiday
.
Furthermore
, we can
visit
any
places
that are not present in our own
country
.
For instance
, a number of international tourists would go to Japan to
visit
Fuji Mountain or Tokyo Tower because there are no
such
places
in their own
country
, and
also
because those two
places
only exist in Japan. In conclusion,
although
spending a
holiday
in our
country
is more economical than a
holiday
abroad, I think visiting foreign states can give a more experiences that we can not find in our own
country
.
Submitted by ers.2024 on

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development
Try to expand on your examples by including more detailed explanations or descriptions, which can help to further support your main points and increase the richness of your essay.
balance
Consider balancing the length of paragraphs discussing both views more evenly. This ensures that each viewpoint is given adequate attention and exploration.
structure
You've done a great job in presenting a clear introduction and conclusion that neatly bookend your essay, effectively setting the stage and wrapping up your argument.
examples
The use of specific examples, such as the cost comparison between holidaying in Japan and in Bali, effectively supports your arguments and brings clarity to your points.
logic
Your essay is logically structured, making it easy for the reader to follow your line of reasoning from the introduction through to the conclusion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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