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Writing Samples /
Band 6

Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion.

#technology #people #viewpoints
In modern life, technology has transformed the way that we form and maintain
relationships
. For some, these changes have been overwhelmingly positive but others believe that they have made us more isolated than before. I think that both of these views are valid but that the benefits outweigh the disadvantages. Thanks to technology we are now able to communicate instantly with
people
 all over the world.
This
 communication is
also
 possible with a wide range of applications and devices
for example
, through phone calls, video calls,
emails
Change the noun form
email
show examples
 messages and sharing photos.
Additionally
Add a comma
Additionally,
show examples
 there are now a number of dating sites and apps that allow us to start new
relationships
. These changes are predominantly positive for many
people
. They argue that they allow us to stay in touch with
people
 all over the world and that our
relationships
 are no longer governed by geographical location. The fact that we can
also
 share information quickly and easily means that we are able to know a lot more about the
people
 that we communicate with.
However
, despite these
benefits
Add a comma
benefits,
show examples
 there are
also
 some negative aspects.
For
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 some
people
 spend much less time interacting
face to face
Add a hyphen
face-to-face
show examples
 than they did before.
As a result
, it can be argued that the
relationships
 that we form are shallower
due to
 the fact that we can create a false, online personality rather than getting to know someone on a deeper, more personal level. It is certainly true that young
people
 today have a tendency to spend their time glued to their screens rather than meeting
people
 in the flesh. In conclusion,
it is clear that
 modern communication is largely different than it used to
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
be. I would argue that these impacts are generally positive but that we still need to ensure that we spend time nurturing
relationships
 with
people
 that we know in person
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coherence cohesion
Your essay is generally well-structured and flows logically, but you could benefit from some transitions between ideas to enhance coherence even further.
task achievement
You have addressed both sides of the argument well and have provided reasonable examples. However, providing more specific examples could strengthen your argument further.
coherence cohesion
You have effectively introduced the topic and provided a balanced discussion of both viewpoints.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion is clear and succinct, reinforcing your main argument.
task achievement
Your ideas are clearly presented and comprehensible, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • connectivity
  • communicate
  • social media
  • virtual meetings
  • global community
  • isolation
  • distract
  • face-to-face interaction
  • personal connections
  • dependency
  • technology addiction
  • digital divide
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