IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Countries with longer working hours enjoy an economic advantage, but they suffer from certain negative social effects, do you agree or disagree?

#countries #hours #advantage #effects
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It is true that in
this
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 day and age, opinion is divided over whether economic merit outweighs the negative impact caused by working hours. In
this
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 essay, I will look at both sides of
this
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 debate
as well as
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 offer my own point of view. Turning first of all to the arguments in favour of
this
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 idea, it goes without saying that overworking leads to health problems
such
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 as physical ailments, like diabetes, high blood pressure, and heart maladies.
Furthermore
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, mental issues
also
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 cannot be ignored
due to
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 the fact that suffering from mental illness could be a reason for quitting a job. At the same time, overworked individuals have less chance to go back home and relax and care for their bodies physically and mentally. As far as the other side of
this
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 debate is concerned, it is generally acknowledged that the workforce at the workplace is unable to be replaced and the economic effects obtained from the workforce will make our current daily lives better. It may
also
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 be worth noting that the economic effects obtained at work will be semi-permanent as long as society exists.
For instance
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, in my country Japan, Japan experienced a bubble economy and still I feel the benefits of economic growth at that time. By way of conclusion, from the examples and ideas above it can be seen that there are valid arguments on
this
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 debate.
However
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, I am of the grand scheme of things, the disadvantages on social with overwork outweigh the benefits in economics. I suppose, companies ought to limit their employee's working hours and strive for public safety.
Submitted by yusei.nakano on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses both sides of the debate and provides a conclusion. However, providing more detailed and specific examples would strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear, but they could be more comprehensively developed. Adding more depth to each argument would help.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph logically leads to the next. Transitions between ideas can be improved for better flow.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has an introduction and conclusion, which is good. However, ensure your conclusion restates your main points more clearly.
task achievement
Your introduction nicely sets up the essay topic and your intent to discuss both sides of the argument.
task achievement
You provided a relevant example from Japan, which helps to illustrate your point.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is organized into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a particular aspect.
coherence cohesion
You have both an introduction and a conclusion, which helps frame your essay well.
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