IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #professionals #doctors #engineers #work #country
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While
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 some people argue that professional workers should benefit the society of their own
country
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,others, including me, consider that they should have the autonomy to
work
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 where they want as they can gain more money and have better living conditions. On the one hand,some assert that professionals should be required to
work
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 in the
country
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 where they gained training.
This
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 is because the governments allocate considerable funds to the training of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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qualified employees to benefit the community. If they move to another
country
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 to
work
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,it can lead to a lack of highly-trained people and society can suffer from
this
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 problem.
For instance
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,the emigration of doctors to a more developed
country
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 can affect adversely the welfare of the community of their own
country
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,because when they have any health problems ,they may not find any highly qualified doctors or nurses to cure themselves.
On the other hand
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,I would side with those who believe that qualified workers should be free to move and
work
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 where they want because their own
country
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 can give less salary because of their limited budget,
as a result
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, they may not have enough money to live.
However
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,there are many developed countries where they propose higher amount of salary to qualified employees and in those places,they can improve their livelihood.
For example
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,countries
such
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 as the USA and other European countries offer high salaries to highly-trained employees and they move to these places to have
better
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a better
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 lifestyle.
Therefore
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,it seems to me that they should have the right to go where they want. In conclusion,
Although
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 it is asserted by some that professionals should be forced to
work
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 in their own
country
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,it is my view that they should have the right to go where they want.
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coherence cohesion
Ensure a smooth transition between paragraphs for a more cohesive essay. Using linking phrases can make the transition more natural.
task achievement
For a higher band score, try to develop your examples further to show how they directly support your main points. These examples could include statistics, studies, or personal anecdotes.
introduction
Consider revisiting your introduction to more clearly state both sides of the argument before presenting your own opinion. This will provide a solid foundation for the rest of your essay and enhance its overall coherence.
balance
While tackling a topic, ensure balance in the discussion of both views before elaborating on your own perspective. This enhances the essay's objectivity and depth.
clarity
You've articulated your opinion clearly and consistently throughout the essay, which is excellent for task response.
structure
You’ve structured your essay well with a clear introduction, body paragraphs for each view, and a conclusion. This logical structure greatly aids in understanding.
examples
Your essay provides relevant examples to support your points, enhancing the essay's overall persuasiveness.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • professionals
  • doctors
  • engineers
  • required
  • training
  • home country
  • cultural
  • linguistic
  • advantages
  • economic impact
  • free
  • another country
  • globalization
  • international collaboration
  • improving
  • skills
  • knowledge
  • experience
  • opinion
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