Some say that elderly people are in the best condition when they can access healthcare facilities and socialize with others. However, the reverse is the case in today's world. What are the reasons? What are the solutions?

According to
some individuals, if seniors have chances to
access
great
healthcare
systems and socialize with
others
, they will be in the best shape.
Nevertheless
, the opposite is the case nowadays all around the world.
This
essay will look at the primary causes of
this
and suggest some positive solutions to
this
problem. There are two reasons why in recent years, the elderly cannot
access
healthcare
facilities and socialize with
others
. The first reason is that some old
people
want to save money for the next generations
instead
of using it for themselves.
Hence
, the elderly believe that spending money for their children is more essential than
healthcare
expenditure which costs an arm and a leg.
Secondly
, seniors are busy making a living,
therefore
, they do not have enough time to communicate with
others
. Many old citizens do not have pensions or emergency funds, and they have to live on a low income,
that is
the reason why they cannot
access
healthcare
facilities and socialize with
others
. There are several actions that could be taken to mitigate the problem mentioned above.
Firstly
, young individuals need to encourage their parents to take periodic health check-ups and contact with
others
.
As a consequence
, elderly
people
are in the best condition.
In addition
, social welfare should be the top priority of every nation. The government must invest more money in medical systems for old
people
and some retirement home that arranges social and cultural activities for their seniors. When doing so, many elderly citizens can stop working and spend their time socially interacting with each other, thereby improving their health. In conclusion, some
people
think that elderly
people
are in the best condition when they can
access
healthcare
facilities and socialize with
others
.
However
, there are various factors leading to the reverse is the case in today's world and measures can be implemented to tackle
this
issue.
Submitted by nguyenhoanganhquan918 on

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task achievement
While your essay effectively identifies and explains the causes of why elderly people may not access healthcare or socialize, it could benefit from more detailed examples or statistics to further support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the fluency and coherence of your essay by utilizing more varied linking words and phrases. This will help achieve more seamless transitions between ideas and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which sets a strong foundation for your arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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