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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart shows air pollution levels among four countries in 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart shows air pollution levels among four countries in 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#air #pollution #levels #four #countries #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The bar graph illustrates information regarding the degree of polluted
air
of
Change preposition
in
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 4 different
country
Change to a plural noun
countries
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 depicted in 3 sectors in 2012.
Overall
, it is evident from the graph that China ranked first in all 3 factors,
while
 America can see transport as a significant reason
of
Change preposition
for
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air
 contamination
while
 Japan’s main cause is factories or other industry facilities which both ranked top in each two parts. As to the detail, the distribution of
china
Capitalize word
China
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 in
air
 corruption is highly ranked, with all 3 parts reaching more than 50PPM compared to
other
Correct article usage
the other
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 3 countries.
The industrial
Correct article usage
Industrial
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 facilities
such
 as factories and construction
figures
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figure
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 a significant majority of contamination of 80PPM followed by vehicles including public transportation of 70PPM and 60PPM of electricity which recorded more than twice as many as the second-ranked U.S. When it comes to other nations, U.S’s electronic and industrial situation affected
quality
Add an article
the quality
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 of earth atmosphere around 30PPM,
while
 Japan
show
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shows
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 similar in transport, much less by 10PPM in electronic consumption. Looking at the figures for Australia, we can see Australia as an eco-friendly country with its degree of harmfulness to
air
 recorded under 20PPM in 2012.
Submitted by minji.choi.1201 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words air, ppm with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • air pollution levels
  • sources of pollution
  • industrial pollution
  • transportation-related pollution
  • household pollution
  • highest levels
  • lowest levels
  • notable changes
  • anomalies
  • comparisons
  • summarise
  • highlight
  • analyze
  • chart
  • data
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