Prison is the common way in most countries to solve the problem of crime. However, a more effective solution is to provide people a better education. Do you agree or disagree?
Despite the popularity of prison sentences as a way to control illegalities, improvements in
education
have gained social endorsement as a means to eliminate the problem from its root. In my opinion, I disagree that education
is the better one as it is rather impossible to compare these two methods’ effectiveness owing to their distinct impacts.
On the one hand, the reasons why prisons are of indispensable necessity for social security are varied. They are the place to keep people who have broken the law contained, ensuring the safety of other citizens. Especially, dangerous criminals such
as murderers or rapists have to be imprisoned for their heinous actions. Furthermore
, severe prison sentences act as a deterrent against crimes
. Knowing there might be a chance of getting caught and condemned to jail, which also
means losing freedom and living a miserable life in a cell, ones who have the intention of committing illegalities would reconsider going down the path.
On the other hand
, education
serves as a remedy for the origin of crimes
. Education
contributes greatly to heightening people’s intellect and forming a civilized society. With access to better educational services, citizens would be well-informed about the damage that committing crimes
would cause to their community and themselves, which eventually leads to a decline in crime rates. Additionally
, the possession of certain qualifications through fundamental education
like vocational training could secure a person’s stable life, which would dispel any ideas of committing crimes
.
In conclusion, I believe there is no absolute way to deduce whether imprisonment policies or better education
would take the dominant role in dealing with crimes
as they both tackle the problem just in different ways.Submitted by blastion05 on
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task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the topic and provides a clear opinion, however, expanding your argument with more detailed examples would further enhance its strength.
task achievement
Ensure to balance both sides of the argument when discussing 'agree or disagree' topics. Your conclusion could more clearly state your personal stance considering the comparative effectiveness of education and prison.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Logical transitions between ideas contribute to its cohesiveness.
coherence cohesion
Use of topic sentences and supporting details is well executed. Improving by incorporating a wider range of linking phrases could enhance coherence.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction directly addresses the question, setting a strong foundation for the essay.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points, reinforcing your overall argument.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a good understanding of the task, with both sides of the argument well-represented.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite