IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Studies suggested that nowadays children watch much more television than they did in the past and spend less time on active or creative things. What are the reasons? And what measures should be taken to encourage children to spend more time on active or creative things?

#studies #children #television #time #measures
In the present day,
television
 is watched by
children
 so much more than they did in the past and they are lazier in active and creative.
This
 is a suspicious problem in the younger and it comes from some reasons made by
parents
 and society but it can fixed with many solutions.
Firstly
,
kids
 watch
television
 because it has many entertainment programs and provides so much happiness for
children
. The pleasure with youths is pretty simple because they always are attracted by a sparkle, a
colorful
Change the spelling
colourful
show examples
 screen, or a funny song.
For example
, there are a lot of cartoons and funny programs that are made every day, some programs are very famous
such
 as “Tom and Jerry”-cartoon,” Baby Shark”-music. It not only “entices” the
children
 but
also
 charms many adults.
Secondly
, in a family, teenagers can learn from their
parents
 and most people on normal days always want to sit on the sofa, bring some food and watch
television
 to enjoy, the
kids
 look at
this
 action and imitate the things their
parents
 did.
For instance
, some families have a hobby which is watching
television
 in the evening and when they go to do work, they forget to manage the time their child watching TV. From that, youngsters spend so much time watching everything that cannot be managed by the father or the mother. Despite having many reasons repairing it is not hard and we will have some solutions to do that.
Change preposition
As
show examples
With
Change preposition
As
show examples
parents
, we should manage the time
Change preposition
apply
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
kids
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
use
television
 and what they will be watching to ensure the healthy development of
children
. the sire can watch
television
 2 to 3 hours a day and use some apps
such
 as YouTube
Kids
 to watch friendly content. Society and the government need to create some rules that do not allow
kids
 under 3 or 6 to watch
television
 and they
also
 sensor bad content to not damage the younger’s mental. In conclusion, there are so many reasons for
this
 problem. To solve that we need
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 combination of
parents
 and society for the comprehensive development of younger
Submitted by dohuyhoang on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Try to organize your essay into clear paragraphs, each addressing a specific aspect of the topic. For instance, one paragraph for reasons why children watch more TV, and another for suggested solutions.
examples
Introduce specific examples to support your points. While mentioning 'Tom and Jerry' and 'Baby Shark' is a good start, try to delve deeper into how these shows impact children's behavior directly.
clarity
Avoid general phrases and try to be more specific in your language. For example, instead of saying 'it can fixed with many solutions', specify 'it can be addressed with targeted solutions'.
introduction/conclusion
You've provided a clear introduction and conclusion which frames the essay's main points effectively.
examples
Your usage of examples such as 'Tom and Jerry' and 'Baby Shark' to illustrate points brings your arguments to life.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: