task2 : New technologies and ways of buying and selling are transforming the lives of consumers. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Recently,
people
say
that new technologies and ways of buying and selling are changing the Wrong verb form
have said
lives
of consumers. Personally, I also
agree with the above point of view as we can see the development
of technology
applied to our lives
.
On the one hand, we can see the positive effects that new technologies and ways of buying and selling have. We can buy anything in the market or online shopping applications. Almost all of them are retail items such
as:
Remove the comma
apply
food
, books, toys, travel tickets, or mysterious books, everything we can buy is endless. This
is something that was previously only available to people
in developed areas of the country, with people
in remote locales finding it difficult to get what they wanted. For example
, my cousin lives
in a remote area and really wants to eat delicious food
, so he orders food
through the online shopping app . We can see the development
of technology
has helped change people
's lives
a lot.
On the other hand
, their development
also
has negative aspects for life and society. People
easily become dependent on technology
. They will be lazy and just sit still and wait for others to bring them food
,this
makes them forget how to take care of themselves and the environmental
Replace the word
environment
around
. Correct pronoun usage
around them
Along with
that development
, it brings unpredictable dangers that bad guys can take advantage of to steal user information, commit fraud, and extort money. A simple example is that bad guys will create applications to scam consumers who are not alert, they will steal our assets and information to be able to do it on
our family members. We can see that Change preposition
to
although
technology
brings many benefits, it also
has a downside that no one wants.
In short, experience suggests that online shopping has shifted the balance of power in favour of the consumer. Consumers not only have wider access to goods but also
have greater access to information and more control over how they shop.Submitted by thuhong.68hnue on
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taskachievement
While your analysis of both positive and negative effects provides a well-rounded perspective, there could be a greater focus on addressing the extent to which you agree or disagree. Strengthen statements with more nuanced phrases to reflect the depth of your agreement or disagreement.
coherencecohesion
To enhance coherence, ensure transitions between paragraphs and ideas are smooth. Although your essay demonstrates a strong logical flow, experimenting with a wider range of linking phrases could improve readability and coherence.
coherencecohesion
Be vigilant about keeping a formal tone throughout your essay. Informal phrases or overly simplistic sentences can detract from the overall professionalism and could be refined for better impact.
content
The essay outlines both positive and negative impacts of new technologies on consumer lives, providing a comprehensive view.
examples
You've done a great job including specific examples to support your points, like the instance of your cousin ordering food online, which makes your arguments more relatable and persuasive.
structure
The introduction and conclusion are clear, neatly bookending your essay and summarizing your viewpoint effectively.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.