IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people think children have the freedomto make mistakes,while other people believethat adults should prevent children from making mistakes.Discuss both sides and giveyour opinion.

#people #children #freedomto #mistakes #believethat #adults #giveyour
Nowadays, some of the individuals consider that
kids
 could do something wrong freely, other people believe that parents should manage their
kids
 to prevent them from making
mistake
.
This
 is a controversial issue. From my perspective, youngsters should be managed by parents, in order to decrease the
mistakes
. On one hand, I can understand why some people believe
children
 can make
mistake
 freely.
This
 is because, they consider that
kids
 are born to be innocent. When
kids
 are young,
mistake
 should be allowed,
due to
 little impact on the families or the society.
For example
, in China, most of the school teachers will forgive the students
instead
 of punishing them after they make
mistakes
,
such
 as: forgetting to do the assignment.
Therefore
,
this
 kind of
mistake
, may not have a big effect on public,
as a result
, the adults believe
children
 have freedom to make
mistake
.
On the other hand
, opponents may say that,
children
 need to be supervised, in order to fall the possibility of making
mistakes
. It is fair to say that, the freedom may grow the evil in
children
’s mind. As an old Chinese saying goes: don’t let
children
 make
mistakes
 because they are young.
For instance
, recently in China, a news reported that, a kid was killed by his classmates in the mountainous area. Those bad
kids
 lack management by school and parents, so
this
 results in the crime. From my point of view, youngsters need to be managed.
Although
 they are born to be innocent, and may not make large adverse impact to our society, the freedom may turn
kids
 into devil, because of the ignorance of the discipline.
Submitted by fiasngs on

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sentence variety
Try to vary your sentence structures and use a mix of simple and complex sentences to showcase your linguistic range.
opinion clarity
It's beneficial to explicitly state your opinion in the introduction for clarity and reiterate it in the conclusion for a strong finish.
lexical resource
Incorporate a wider range of vocabulary relevant to the topic to adequately demonstrate your language skills.
proofreading
Make sure to proofread your essay to catch any repetitive phrases or common grammatical errors for a polished final piece.
discussing viewpoints
You did a good job discussing both viewpoints thoroughly, which shows a well-rounded understanding of the topic.
logical flow
Your essay has a logical flow, making it easy for the reader to follow your arguments from one paragraph to the next.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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