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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Online education is becoming more and more popular. Some people claim that e-learning has so many benefits that it will replace face-face education soon. Others say that traditional education is irreplaceable. Discuss both views and give your opinions.

#education #people #face-face
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Day by day, tuition by online platforms, becoming more common, we have
people
Use synonyms
we
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 believe that computer-based
education
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have
Change the verb form
has
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 more advantages or other teenagers
consider
Correct pronoun usage
who consider
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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conditional study, indispensable. All types of tuition have
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
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 and
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
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, but I consider that studying
which
Correct your spelling
with
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 other
people
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 more useful method of studying In online learning, young students can find new friends around the world to enter
the
Correct article usage
an
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 environment of like-minded
people
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.
In addition
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, the use of online sites has been improved since artificial intelligence was integrated.
For example
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, some teachers have been replaced by intelligent robots that can answer
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
complex questions and solve them in a short period of
time
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.
As a result
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,
people
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 no longer need to pay fees to study at universities in order to gain knowledge for free, but you can't do it everywhere through online
education
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 and online learning limits a child’s physical development On the one hand, standard learning has fewer distractions in gaining information. The main reason for
this
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 is that the lessons are teacher-centred
due to
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 there is only one educator for the whole class and students can not ask their questions
due to
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 lack of
time
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 or even attention.
Therefore
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,
this
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 teaching method leads to less concentration for student in the classroom which will directly affect their academic performance
On the other
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hand
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hand,
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 when children study in standard
education
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, they will spend most of their
time
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 at school and will have little
time
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 for family games or simply spending
time
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 with their families. But it helps to be disciplined
Additionally
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, I suggest traditional studying,
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
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 more
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
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, even if online tuition
easier
Add a missing verb
is easier
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 than learning face-to-face,
but
Correct word choice
apply
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conventional
education
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 will always remain the main method of teaching
Submitted by ina1_95 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Clarify your introduction with a clearer stance and briefly outline the points you will discuss.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on paragraph structure to properly separate discussions of online and traditional education.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure your conclusion effectively summarizes your discussion and clearly states your opinion.
Task Achievement
Provide clear, specific examples to support each point you make, helping to illustrate your arguments.
Task Achievement
Aim to maintain a balance in discussing both views before stating your opinion.
General
Consider revising for grammar and punctuation to enhance the overall clarity and professionalism of your writing.
Task Response
You engaged with both views on the topic, showcasing an understanding of the discussion.
Task Response
Your essay demonstrates a genuine effort to engage with the topic and provide personal insights.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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