IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays, an increasing number of people with health problems are using alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their normal doctor. Do you think this is a positive or negative developmment?

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In present times,
health
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 problems are at their peak. A large number of individuals are using different types of medications and natural remedies
instead
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 of consulting their doctors. In my opinion, it is a negative development and I will explain my view with relevant examples. To commence with, taking medicines at home without consulting a doctor might have an adverse impact. To elaborate, patients use YouTube or other social media platforms to check the disease through symptoms and use those supplements which are prescribed in the video.
Also
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, it is seen that many
diseases
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 have common signs at early stages. Let's look at the examples of pneumonia and typhoid. In both cases,
patient
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the patient
a patient
show examples
 first suffers from fever, cough and cold. No need to mention, these are two different
diseases
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.
Thus
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, consulting a healthcare advisor is important before taking any treatment. Taking the wrong medicines may have a long-term negative impact on the
health
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 of an individual.
Moreover
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, there is no scientific evidence that
this
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 type of treatment cures the
health
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 problem quickly.
In other words
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,
such
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 treatments show slow
health
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 improvement .
For instance
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, Homeopathy has been criticized for not performing better than allopathic drugs.
Additionally
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,
diseases
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 like cancer, diabetes, and AIDS are some of the
diseases
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 which should be detected at early stages and it is not possible without consulting a doctor. If
,
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apply
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 a Cancer patient relies on herbal treatments
instead
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 of taking chemotherapy, a patient may lose his/her life. Eventually,
such
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 home remedies may cause death. In conclusion,
although
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 there might be some benefits to treating minor
health
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 problems at home.
However
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, in my opinion, taking treatments without talking to a healthcare professional can increase the problem and may be life-threatening
due to
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 its slow effect.

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task achievement
Your introduction presents your viewpoint, which is great. However, consider providing a brief outline of the main points you will discuss in your essay. This can increase clarity for the reader.
task achievement
Ensure that each main point clearly supports your argument and is sufficiently developed. Some points could be expanded with more detailed explanations or examples.
coherence and cohesion
Overall, your essay flows logically, but try to use more transition words and phrases to connect your ideas and paragraphs more smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
In your conclusion, reiterate your main arguments to remind the reader of your stance. This strengthens your closing statement.
task achievement
Your arguments are relevant and clearly reflect your stance on the issue, showing your ability to develop ideas logically.
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