As countries develop, their populations tend to live individually or in small family units. What are the causes of this trend and what are the effects on society?
As countries develop, their nations tend to live alone or in small family units.
This
is because of the improved quality of education increased
cost of living. Correct word choice
and increased
However
, due to
this
trend, theh
Correct your spelling
the
they
birth
rate
among young individuals and interactions between neighbours have
Change the verb form
has
been
decreased significantly.
Unnecessary verb
apply
To begin
with, compared to the past, more people are entering universities and studying further
. To be specific, the more people are educated, the more they choose to pursue their career
rather than being married or having children. Fix the agreement mistake
careers
Furthermore
, increased cost of living also
plays a key role on
forming Change preposition
in
a
smaller family units. For Correct article usage
apply
examply
, the youth are reluctant to have a child as it costs a fortune to raise a son or a daughter.
Correct your spelling
example
However
, due to
these factors, there are several impacts on society. First of all, the rate
of birth
has been
dramatically declined in recent decades. Notably, in South Korea, the Unnecessary verb
apply
birth
rate
was 0.03% in 2023 and various experts and press criticized that it was mainly due to
the ambition of achievement in professions. Secondly
, people do not interact with their neighbours anymore. For instance
, a notable survey conducted by Korea university
revealed that about 80% of the city residents answered that they had never talked to their neighbours. Capitalize word
University
Hence
, communication between modern dwellers has been dramatically decreased.
To conclude
, indeed more and more poeple
opt for living individually or Correct your spelling
people
a
small family units as a country experiences Correct your spelling
as
developments
. The major causes of Fix the agreement mistake
development
this
phenomenon are the increased number of well-educated individuals and the cost of living. Because of these factors, the
society illustrates Correct article usage
apply
decreased
Correct article usage
a decreased
birth
rate
and lack
of communication opportunities between residents.Correct article usage
a lack
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and is expanded with specific details for stronger coherence.
coherence cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures to enhance the readability and flow of your essay.
task achievement
To improve task achievement, make sure to fully address all parts of the question. Consider comparing and contrasting different viewpoints for a more comprehensive discussion.
task achievement
Incorporate more real-world examples to support your arguments, providing evidence that strengthens your analysis of the causes and effects.
task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses both the causes and effects of the trend towards living alone or in small family units.
task achievement
You've used relevant statistics and examples (e.g., South Korea's birth rate), which adds credibility to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, clearly presents your arguments and makes your essay easy to follow.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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