IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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It is said that every person must have some form of funds set aside. I fully agree with
this
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 statement, because the secured assets could help young adults in a moment of uncertainty, and
to
Wrong verb form
apply
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build for the future.
First,
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encouraging everybody to save a part of their earnings is critical, so that they have some financial relief if stuck in an emergency. To explain, most calamities cannot be predicted,
such
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 as a loss caused by a storm, or suddenly losing a job, or suddenly being afflicted with illness.
For example
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, a survey from 2020 showed that during the pandemic crisis, a large number of entry-level employees in Dubai had lost their jobs and were required to stay indoors. Yet, these residents were able to survive the nationwide emergency because their stashed-away reserves helped pay for the required groceries, utilities, and medications until they were re-employed.
Next,
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having stored reserves helps someone beginning their career gain financial credibility for the future. Every young employee is advised to consistently put their income into a bank account and save a portion of it
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 doing so indicates stability.
For instance
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, when I started working, I religiously deposited a quarter of my paycheck as savings. As the amount grew over time, I qualified for loan grants to acquire cars, apartments, or even start a business.
Thus
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, having a saved amount allows even beginner-level staff members access to various growth and investment opportunities for their future development.
To conclude
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, I think having some form of money saved is mandatory for young and old people. It can help somebody survive in an hour of need, and it can act as a stepping stone towards a person’s economic goals.

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task response
For task response, your answer is clear and stays on the topic. To get a higher score, explain your ideas a bit more deeply in each body part.
task response
For task response, your view is strong and clear from start to end. You could make your position even stronger by adding one short idea about why some people may not save money, then show why you still agree.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear start, middle, and end. To improve, make some links between sentences smoother so the ideas flow more naturally.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, each main part has one clear idea and good support. To get a higher band, avoid a few long sentences that feel slightly heavy or repeated.
task response
For task response, you answer all parts of the question and give a clear opinion: you fully agree.
task response
For task response, your examples are relevant and help support your main ideas well.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay is easy to follow, with a clear introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, words like first, next, for example, and thus help guide the reader.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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