A big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree?

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It is argued that getting a lot of money has more significance than the feeling of
fulfillment
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fulfilment
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from the job.
This
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essay totally disagrees with
this
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statement. I reckon that people are more concerned about their health rather than earning dozens of cash.
Firstly
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, the sense of satisfaction from the job is essential to maintain a good performance at
work
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.
In other words
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, even if someone has a high fee, but feels negative and tensed about their
work
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,
then
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it won’t give him any pleasure and motivation.
As a consequence
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, a person won’t accomplish given tasks, as he could if he liked what he does. To illustrate, many famous researchers did their
work
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not because of the income they received, but because of the passion they had in their field and science.
Secondly
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, high-salary positions are most likely to be highly stressful. As people are hypnotized with a big amount of money, they tend to forget how complicated these positions actually are.
Subsequently
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, since people force themselves to
work
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for an income they were told, it possibly can lead to various diseases
such
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as depression and anxiety.
Moreover
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, long working hours can cause a horrible
work
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-life balance.
For example
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, politicians who have important positions tend to struggle
due to
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demanding surroundings, and they are more likely to find themselves in an awful balance between
work
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and life.
To conclude
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, humanity craves decent pay,
however
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, they should not forget that post-delight and good health are much more important than dollars in the pocket.
Submitted by naira.gumar on

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task achievement
Your essay provides a clear stance and addresses the prompt effectively. However, expanding on your examples with more specific details could strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay shows a good organizational structure. To enhance coherence, consider linking ideas between paragraphs more explicitly using a wider range of cohesive devices.
coherence cohesion
For a higher score in coherence and cohesion, ensure smoother transitions between sentences within paragraphs. This can be achieved by varying sentence structures and incorporating transitional phrases that specifically connect ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • remuneration
  • financial security
  • motivation
  • luxuries
  • material possessions
  • fulfillment
  • work-life balance
  • stress levels
  • mental well-being
  • job security
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