Question- Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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In our contemporary society, the influential power of
music
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is priceless and can
effect
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affect
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relationships. Some societies have a notion that
music
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is one of the most preferable ways to bring
people
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from diverse backgrounds together. I completely agree with
this
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idea, and in the forthcoming paragraphs,
this
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essay will elucidate the reasons why I support
this
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way of thinking and provide a logical conclusion from my standpoint. First and foremost, there is no doubt that every single person has their own reasons to find interest in
music
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.
Thus
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, the discrepancies between
indivudals
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individuals
who have a wide variety of
music
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tastes can stem from several factors
such
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as different personality traits, traditional beliefs, and cultural norms. Even if their grounds differ from each other, they
also
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have common purposes
to listen
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for listening
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to any
kinds
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kind
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of
music
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such
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as entertainment or trying to unwind their mind from the stressors of daily life.
Therefore
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, in spite of having completely various
music
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preferences,
this
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activity can help them in being together, diminishing the potential threats of feeling isolation and loneliness.
On the other hand
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,
it is clear that
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people
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from old ages may have interests, hobbies, and tendencies which might not align with
young
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the young
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generation’s penchant, in terms of their social environment and core values.
Although
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youth’s predispositions are not similar to the old, they can recommend their own style
in
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of
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music
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to
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the elder
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elder
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older
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generation, making new things acceptable to them and creating a more inclusive atmosphere within communities.
Conversely
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,
people
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of our parents’ age can suggest relatively calm and soothing
music
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genres which can be beneficial for adolescent’s development of mindset.
As a result
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,
people
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of all age groups start to revere diverse perspectives from 7 to 70. In conclusion, after having meticulously discussed
this
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phenomenon, it is undeniable that all kinds of
music
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have boons for
people
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with unsimilar viewpoints regardless of age range and cultural background. I am a staunch believer that
music
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is the best way to establish equality and fight against discrimination within societies
while
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safeguarding peace for the sake of posterity.
Submitted by writingbhos on

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Expression
Maintain clear and concise expressions to enhance understanding, especially in complex sentences.
Grammar
Consider diversifying your sentence structures to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical proficiency.
Vocabulary
Incorporate more varied and precise vocabulary to accurately convey nuanced perspectives.
Coherence
Ensure a smooth flow of ideas between paragraphs with more explicit linking phrases for stronger cohesion.
Structure
Effective introduction and conclusion that clearly state your opinion and summarize your argument.
Content
Good use of examples and explanations to support your points throughout the essay.
Task Response
Demonstrates a clear understanding of the task with a well-developed argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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