Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
It is true that some argue individuals in urban regions nowadays have been more reliable than others. In my view, a greater number of citizens choosing to live alone has significantly encouraged independence.
On one hand, the argument in favour of depending on each other could be that career requirements encourage employees to work with a team which means they need support from their colleagues, managers or customers in order to achieve career success. In companies, employees especially in OEM sales often rely on the purchaser’s cost calculations, and design drawings provided by the technology department. There is no possibility of obtaining nominations for projects through their own efforts.
As a result
, young individuals must get along well with teams and achieve common goals together.
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On the other hand
, most young citizens living in urban areas indeed prefer the individual lifestyle which mainly makes them more independent. Linking Words
Additionally
, urban inhabitants in many international cities all over the world are mostly from other countryside. In that case, they could have many chances to deal with various unexpected problems like looking for suitable houses, fixing broken tables and chairs, and doing some cook to save money. Linking Words
Consequently
, living by their own selves could be good at cultivating their independent capacities.
In conclusion, it seems that career work requiring team cooperation makes them depend on someone. Linking Words
However
, in the long term, the capacity to tackle problems by oneself would promote them to be more independent.Linking Words
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Introduction
Your essay presents a clear structure, with a well-defined introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. To improve, consider expanding the introduction to more clearly state the discussion points.
Sentence Variety
Consider varying your sentence structures and linking phrases to enhance coherence and provide a more sophisticated flow between ideas.
Support
While you have provided examples to support your points, you could enhance your essay by including more detailed examples or personal experiences to strengthen your arguments.
Conclusion
Your conclusion summarizes your argument effectively, but consider reinforcing it by explicitly stating your own standpoint to give the essay a stronger personal voice.
Task Response
You've successfully discussed both views and provided your opinion, showing a good understanding of the task requirements.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is strong, making your arguments easy to follow and understand.
Support
You've utilized relevant examples to support your main points, enhancing the persuasive quality of your essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.