IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that schoolchildren should be made to wear a uniform. Others feel that children should be free to choose their own clothes. Discuss both sides of the argument. Do you agree or disagree with pupils wearing uniforms?

#people #schoolchildren #uniform #children #clothes #argument #pupils #uniforms
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There are many arguments both for and against children having to wear a
school
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uniform
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. Some
people
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 favour
uniforms
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 simply because they look smart.
However
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,
uniforms
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 do more than
this
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 because they identify you with a particular
school
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 which can help to maintain discipline and reduce truancy.
Uniforms
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also
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 promote safety and security by making it easier to identify intruders in the
school
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. On a practical note, a
uniform
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 makes choosing
clothes
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 straightforward and problem-free for parents. Contrast
this
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 with the difficulties faced by parents with limited means (
for example
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, living off state benefits ) when a child wants to wear expensive designed
clothes
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, mainly to impress friends. In
this
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 circumstance, children from poorer backgrounds can find themselves disadvantaged.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 would argue that wearing a
school
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uniform
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 is an unnecessary restriction on personal freedom and expression.
Instead
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, pupils should be allowed to choose their own
clothes
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 as suits them as individuals, rather than having to conform to a fixed dress code. Many pupils do not like a
school
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uniform
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 which means wearing the same
clothes
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 every day. Personally, I see nothing wrong with wearing a
uniform
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 to
school
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 because there is plenty of opportunity to wear your own
clothes
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 outside the
school
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 gates.
Also
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, some restrictions are always necessary to stop
people
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 from dressing inappropriately whilst at
school
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. There are strict dress codes and
uniforms
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 for adults in certain occupations so children might as well get used to the idea of having to wear a
uniform
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 of some type. I do not think it is a good idea to let young
people
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 have everything their own way too soon
otherwise
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 they will have problems with authority later on.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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Development
Continue refining your ability to develop arguments comprehensively, ensuring each point is fully explored with examples and reasoning.
Specificity
For an even stronger essay, consider adding more specific examples and detailed explanations to further support your arguments and make your points more convincing.
Sentence Structure
Work on varying your sentence structures and linking phrases to enhance the readability and flow of your essay.
Balance
You provided a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument, then clearly stated your personal stance, which is commendable for maintaining objectivity.
Structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively sets up the discussion and summarizes your viewpoint, essential for good essay structure.
Support
You succeeded in supporting your main points with general reasons, contributing to a coherent argument throughout.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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