Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding change. Others, however, think that change is always a good thing. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
One of the most prevalent trends in the contemporary world is the cumulative increase in people moving to different companies for good jobs and peace of mind. Many companies do counselling with their staff members to stay with them and take good salaries. I do not agree with the above notion to get more pay,
instead
peace of mind. This
stance will be proven by careful analysis of why money
is not always vital as compared to the working atmosphere.
Firstly
, the working environment is more important than getting more salary, because it keeps you cool and healthy. If you take more salary and work day and night under pressure, it may ruin your health. For example
, people who worked under pressure suffered from psychological health problems. Another factor is that the management sometimes does not give more respect to their employees, because they always expect results from the staff. As a result
, staff suffered from mental disorders.
Secondly
, the primary reason is that they should be available all the time and fix issues if any occur. For instance
, the Supervisors who are getting higher salaries must be available over the phone 24 hours and NBN (National Broadband Network) supervisors are available round the clock. In addition
, another factor is that due to
long hours working time , they cannot give proper time to their families.As a consequence
, it is evident that senior officials are always in stress and under heavy workload.
I had worked in a company that was looking after the hospitality business in New Zealand and our company was providing 24-hour services, a number of times I had visited night times in bars and restaurants, especially at weekends to fix their machines and it was a very hectic and tiring job.
In contrast
, it cannot be denied with money
we can make our lives easy and buy properties, but in the long run, it damages the health of the workers. So money
does not outweigh on good working atmosphere.
In conclusion, following the analysis of both sides, it is clear that
money
does not always matter to stay with one company, instead
a good environment is very important for workers and this
trend is going to continue in the future as well.Submitted by rbtech65 on
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task response
Your essay presents relevant ideas and examples, but some parts lack clarity and cohesion. For example, your stance in the thesis statement is somewhat unclear and could be stated more assertively.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth progression between ideas and paragraphs. Utilize more transition words and phrases to link your points effectively.
task response
Be careful with grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Proofread your work to avoid such mistakes, as they can detract from your overall argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but could be stronger. Make sure your introduction clearly outlines your main points and your conclusion summarizes them effectively.
task response
Use specific, relevant examples to support your points more effectively. General statements can weaken your argument.
task response
You included personal experiences as examples, which is good practice for supporting your points.
coherence cohesion
The essay's structure includes an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is essential for coherence.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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