SOME PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT POLITICIANS ARE THE MOST INFLUENTIAL PEOPLE IN THE WORLD WHILE OTHERS BELIEVE SCIENTISTS ARE THE MOST INFLUENTIAL. AGREE OR DISAGREE?

Over the past decades, seeking the most significant effect on
people
has never ceased to draw public attention. In
this
day and age, some
people
consider that the majority of them are swayed by
politicians
,
while
others hold the belief that
scientists
have the greatest influence. In
this
essay, I partially consent to the perspective above. On the one hand, there
are
Change the verb form
is
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a broad range of justifications
why
Change preposition
for why
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leader
Fix the agreement mistake
leaders
show examples
make
people
[pay attention. First and foremost,
politicians
are for sure a paramount role in establishing national defence strategies relating to laws, policies, and the like. These days, they not only form gruelling punishment for someone who acts against the law,
such
as deceiving assets, or defrauding residents, but
also
spend their national budgets on providing free tertiary education for those who live on the breadline. Thanks to their brilliant campaigns, the local community can have a chance to heighten the standard of social living effectively in the foreseeable future.
On the other hand
, in spite of
politicians
' merits given above,
scientists
also
contribute their afford to society positively.
Firstly
,
people
acknowledge that scientific assistance has truly changed our way of life by inventing a myriad of high-tech household applications, including vacuum cleaners, and dishwashers, which help single-earner family alleviate their burden of doing chores or washing machines after a diligent day. Another prime example
,
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apply
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is when the COVID-19 pandemic erupted,
scientists
contributed to one of the most stunning achievements in the history of immunizations,
such
as fabricating a vaccine against COVID-19 with highly effective and easily manufactured. In
this
way, they rescued all humanity from the plague in record time. In conclusion, I am of a conviction that both
politicians
and
scientists
are accountable to the community with their own missions.
Politicians
will ameliorate local living standards because of their policies,
whereas
scientists
make the world increasingly impeccable and sustainable expansion in the field of technology
Submitted by vantueman496 on

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Task Achievement
Ensure a clear thesis statement is presented in your introduction. While your stance is implied, explicitly stating your position provides clarity.
Task Achievement
Expand on your examples by detailing how these impacts specifically influence society, for deeper analysis and to fully support your main points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Diversify your linking words and phrases to enhance the flow between ideas, contributing to a more sophisticated level of coherence and cohesion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider conducting a more thorough proofreading to correct minor typographical errors ('afford' instead of 'effort', 'single-earner family alleviate' instead of 'families alleviate', etc.) to enhance overall clarity and professionalism.
Coherence and Cohesion
Structured essay with clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Varied sentence structures used effectively to maintain reader interest.
Task Achievement
Relevant examples provided to support arguments, enhancing task achievement.
Task Achievement
Balanced discussion of both viewpoints before concluding, demonstrating a comprehensive approach to the essay task.

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