Some people think that work is the most important thing in people's lives. Without the success of a career, life will become meaningless. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There is an opinion that
people
should dedicate all their resources to a career,
hence
it is the most important part of
people
's lives. I strongly disagree with
this
statement, for plenty of reasons, the main one is the fact that every human being has their own goal in life, and it is not always a career.
Furthermore
,
people
should understand that there are a lot of meanings which can make life feel full, and investing all energy into one activity may be harmful. There are 8 billion
people
on the planet, and everyone has their own desires. In nowadays world,
people
who are affected by capitalism think that money and a career will give them happiness,
however
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
is not true.
For instance
, in South Korea parents preparing their children for
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
future job hunting starting from
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
middle school.
Moreover
, overworking may lead to mental health problems. The idea that
people
should understand is that everything in
this
world should be in balance,
therefore
, individuals need to develop all sides of their lives.
For example
, if an average office worker would overwork and dedicate free time to a job, they may lose connection with their children and family. In modern-day, the new generation more often speaks about work-life balance, and about the fact that free from work time should be spent on a family, habits or self-improvement. In conclusion, I strongly disagree with the statement, because it is necessary to mention that work is not the key aspect for everyone, and even if it is person should have a balance in life, and have other activities.
Submitted by dyussenovaanel on

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coherence cohesion
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introduction conclusion present
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relevant specific examples
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clear comprehensive ideas
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial stability
  • personal satisfaction
  • career advancement
  • work-life balance
  • personal growth
  • fulfillment
  • neglect
  • well-being
  • community involvement
  • leisure activities
  • significant other
  • professional success
  • meaningful life
  • monetary gain
  • job satisfaction
  • identity
  • self-worth
  • mental health
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