IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that work is the most important thing in people's lives. Without the success of a career, life will become meaningless. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There is an opinion that
people
Use synonyms
 should dedicate all their resources to a career,
hence
Linking Words
 it is the most important part of
people
Use synonyms
's lives. I strongly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement, for plenty of reasons, the main one is the fact that every human being has their own goal in life, and it is not always a career.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 should understand that there are a lot of meanings which can make life feel full, and investing all energy into one activity may be harmful. There are 8 billion
people
Use synonyms
 on the planet, and everyone has their own desires. In nowadays world,
people
Use synonyms
 who are affected by capitalism think that money and a career will give them happiness,
however
Linking Words
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
 is not true.
For instance
Linking Words
, in South Korea parents preparing their children for
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
future job hunting starting from
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
middle school.
Moreover
Linking Words
, overworking may lead to mental health problems. The idea that
people
Use synonyms
 should understand is that everything in
this
Linking Words
 world should be in balance,
therefore
Linking Words
, individuals need to develop all sides of their lives.
For example
Linking Words
, if an average office worker would overwork and dedicate free time to a job, they may lose connection with their children and family. In modern-day, the new generation more often speaks about work-life balance, and about the fact that free from work time should be spent on a family, habits or self-improvement. In conclusion, I strongly disagree with the statement, because it is necessary to mention that work is not the key aspect for everyone, and even if it is person should have a balance in life, and have other activities.

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coherence cohesion
Try to enhance the logical flow of your ideas by improving transitions between sentences and paragraphs. This can be achieved by using a wider range of linking words and phrases.
logical structure
Ensure each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea, helping the reader to follow your argument more easily.
introduction conclusion present
Include a brief restatement of your position and summary of your supporting arguments in the conclusion to strengthen your essay.
relevant specific examples
While your position is clear, further developing your arguments with a broader range of specific examples and explaining how these support your viewpoint would strengthen your task achievement score.
clear comprehensive ideas
Continue to express your ideas clearly and directly as you have done, but aim for a greater depth in your discussion. Deeper analysis and critique of ideas can make your response more comprehensive.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial stability
  • personal satisfaction
  • career advancement
  • work-life balance
  • personal growth
  • fulfillment
  • neglect
  • well-being
  • community involvement
  • leisure activities
  • significant other
  • professional success
  • meaningful life
  • monetary gain
  • job satisfaction
  • identity
  • self-worth
  • mental health
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