IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The chart below shows the changes in three different areas of crime in Machester city centre from 2003-2012.

The chart below shows the changes in three different areas of crime in Machester city centre from 2003-2012.
#changes #three #areas #crime #machester #city #centre
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The line chart presents the rate changes in three categories of criminality in New Port city
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 in
9-
Correct article usage
a 9-year
show examples
year
Use synonyms
 given period, The areas of the
crime
Use synonyms
 actions were burglary, car theft and
robbery
Use synonyms
. By looking at the line graph, it can be assumed that the
crime
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
rates
Fix the agreement mistake
rate
show examples
 of burglary saw a significant decline before
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
leveled
Change the spelling
levelled
show examples
 off over the
last
Linking Words
 four years.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, a fluctuation movement happened
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the car theft category
trough
Correct your spelling
through
show examples
 the 9-
year
Use synonyms
 period.
Meanwhile
Add a comma
Meanwhile,
show examples
 the rate of
robbery
Use synonyms
 experienced
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
stability for the whole period from 2003 to 2012.
Although
Linking Words
 The
Use synonyms
rates
Fix the agreement mistake
rate
show examples
 of
crime
Use synonyms
 for Burglary rose slightly between 2003 and 2004, it fell
down
Change preposition
apply
show examples
dramatically in the second
year
Use synonyms
 until the
year
Use synonyms
 of 2008. The
crime
Use synonyms
 yet rose slowly before it remained the same by 2011 and dipped slightly by 2012.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
crime
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
rates
Fix the agreement mistake
rate
show examples
 of car theft showed a decline
although
Linking Words
 it had
a stability
Replace the word
stable
show examples
rates
Use synonyms
 during the first and second
Use synonyms
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 before it went down in the third
year
Use synonyms
 and reached the lowest
Use synonyms
rates
Fix the agreement mistake
rate
show examples
 before it slightly rose in 2007. Two years later, it recovered and experienced a fluctuation growth in the
last
Linking Words
 four years until 2012.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the criminal
rates
Use synonyms
 of
robbery
Use synonyms
 started at above 500
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
incidents which was the lowest
Use synonyms
rates
Fix the agreement mistake
rate
show examples
 and witnessed a slow incline during the first two
Use synonyms
year
Change to a plural noun
years
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the number of
robbery
Use synonyms
 incidents had its peak in 2005 before it slightly fell down from 2005 to 2008 and saw a slow rise in 2010,
Wrong verb form
ending
show examples
ended
Wrong verb form
ending
show examples
 at the same number as it began in 2012.
Submitted by stevvileny on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "although, last, on the other hand".
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words crime, robbery, rates, year with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "changes" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "fell" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "stability" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slowly" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 4 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: