Some people think that people should choose their job based on income in order to provide security for their family. Do you think money is an important factor when choosing a job? What other factors should be considered?

#people #job #income #security #money #factor #factors

It is argued by some

people

that individuals should prioritise

salary

to provide their family financial security.

While

I strongly agree that remuneration is the biggest aspect of why

people

choose a

job

, there are many other considerations

such

as working hours, the company’s value, and the distance to a workplace that play a major role in one’s life to choosing a suitable

job

To begin

with,

salary

is the most important variable to select a profession because it is a necessity in life. With the big money from a

job

people

can provide financial stability and security and ensure their family’s basic necessities

such

as food, home living, education, health assurance, and make a retirement plan.

For example

, there are a lot of

people

who find a

job

and move out to any industrial city, especially in Cikarang and Karawang which have a big standard

salary

to get a better life for their family.

However

salary

is not the only factor on which

people

base their opinion of where they want to work.

Job

location, brand value, working hours, and work culture are some other considerations that

people

look for

while

applying for a

job

along with

the

salary

package.

For instance

, many younger generations tend to change jobs because they are looking for a

job

with the same values as them.

Similarly

, they tend to choose a workplace with a healthy working culture rather than have a big

salary

but have stress

due to

work pressure. To summarize,

while

money holds a significant component in helping

people

decide on their dream

job

, there are other variables that

people

consider when they are seeking a

job

Submitted by ers.2024 on Sat Apr 13 2024

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Content Development

Expand on examples to further strengthen your argument. While mentioning Cikarang and Karawang offers a specific reference, delving into more details or including additional examples could enhance the argument's depth.

Balanced Argument

Consider different viewpoints. While your essay effectively states your position, considering and refuting opposing viewpoints could add to the comprehensiveness of your discussion.

Grammar and Style

Pay attention to varying sentence structures to enhance readability. Incorporating a mix of complex and simple sentences can make your writing more engaging.

Structure

You provided a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your argument.

Content Breadth

You successfully argued the importance of several factors in job selection, demonstrating a well-rounded perspective.

Cohesion

Your essay is logically organized, with clear transitions between paragraphs.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

277 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

financial stability
job satisfaction
fulfillment
mental health
aligns with
productive career
career progression
growth potential
work-life balance
flexible hours
telecommuting
vacation time
professional responsibilities
working environment
corporate culture
toxic environment
stress and burnout

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Some people think that people should choose their job based on income in order to provide security for their family. Do you think money is an important factor when choosing a job? What other factors should be considered?

Include an introduction and conclusion

The plan below shows a harbour in 2000 and how it looks today.

There is an increase in the number of parents choosing educate their children themselves at home instead of sending them to schools. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people say that in the modern world, getting old is entirely bad. Others, however, say that life for the elderly nowadays is much better than it was in the past. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that consumerism can boost the economy and create business and jobs. Others consider that society becomes a ‘throw-away society’ producing unnecessary waste. Discuss both views and give your opinion.