Some people believe that children who are given pocket money every week have less problems managing money when they become adults. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Money
management is a crucial part for everyone to learn and practice as early as possible. In fact, I strongly agree with those who feel that
children
will have fewer problems controlling their wealth in the future when they already manage their weekly pocket
money
.
Firstly
,
children
with routine earnings in the early period could have experience saving
money
.
Although
the lesson or the learning to manage
money
can be received by theory
such
as books and lectures, the best way to study it is by practising it. To illustrate, if
children
earn weekly pocket
money
, they will tend to feel to have an extra responsibility.
Thus
, not only do they usually know their priorities, but
also
they tend to limit their spending on unimportant things, which may result in a load of amount of
money
. It is,
therefore
, clear how the saving may develop a strong foundation.
Secondly
,
children
's stress because of finances in the future may be reduced. It is a clear fact that people can not rely on all the time on their parents because they are getting older, and so do
children
.
That is
why it is really crucial to prepare the
children
to manage their cash flow as soon as possible.
For instance
, someone who used to manage their
money
or
cashflow
Correct your spelling
cash flow
show examples
since their childhood time
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
feels that it is important to know where their
money
goes.
Moreover
, they will be able to identify their spending and know when to stop.
Thus
, all the bills and needs could be paid. In conclusion,
children
with weekly pocket
money
is an important thing for them. I,
therefore
, remain firmly convinced that
children
will have fewer problems when they are adults after they have prepared in their early time.
Submitted by rezaf.permadi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence & Cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures to add complexity. While your points are clear, more complex sentences could enhance your argument.
Task Achievement
Try to include more detailed examples to support your arguments. Specifically illustrating your points with examples can significantly strengthen your essay.
Structure
Clear introduction and conclusion that effectively bookend your essay.
Logical Flow
You managed to maintain a logical progression of ideas throughout your essay.
Positioning
Good job in presenting and maintaining a clear position throughout your response.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: