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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

In their advertising, business nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this ? Do you think it is positive or negative development?

#business #emphasise #products #development
Currently, several businessmen and women mention that their manufacturing
products
 are new in their advertising. From my perspective, I would argue these are not fairly reliable words because they do not have any guarantee certificate. In
this
 essay, I will discuss
this
 topic's major negative sides and reasons for
this
.
First,
a number of
people
 do business jobs and of
course
Add a comma
course,
show examples
 major of them are entrepreneurs.
For instance
, these types of jobs could sell food and beverages or different labelled types of
products
, and they purchase them to fill their reserve. The probability of staying a long time in a reserve for some
products
 is so high, that case, overdue, and if the owner is dishonest , or she will them to
people
 in order to make money under
name
Correct article usage
the name
show examples
 of new. Second, purchasing some stuff from
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 shops by using their delivery services, especially between various countries would not be the right way. The reason is, that
this
 type of shopping does not always wrap the real item in a box and
that is
 a case of a number of businesses emphasizing that their
products
 are new and authentic on the internet. When you take what you bought from online shopping you will be disappointed by seeing the fake delivery item.
While
 I agree with some aspects, I must say
this
 one positive development side. At that time we may find righteous business owners and giving the manufactured item to
people
 will be new and beneficial.
To conclude
, If businessmen emphasize that their product is new,
people
 should require a guarantee certificate.
Submitted by dilmurodmingishov on

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Task Response
Your essay provides an interesting perspective on the topic, but to enhance task achievement, ensure that your response directly addresses both questions asked. More balanced discussion on both the reasons and the positive or negative development would make your essay more comprehensive.
Paragraphing & Organization
For coherence and cohesion, try to organize your ideas more clearly around your main argument. Use paragraphs effectively to separate your points, and make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea that is developed and supported throughout.
Supporting Examples
Providing more specific examples would strengthen your argument and make your essay more persuasive. Whenever you make a claim, think about how you can support it with concrete evidence or examples.
Linking Words
To improve your score, work on using a range of linking words effectively to show the relationship between ideas. This will help in making your essay's structure more apparent and its argument more coherent.
Relevance to Topic
Your essay touches on important aspects of how businesses advertise their products as new, which is a relevant argument for the topic.
Clear Position
You were able to express an opinion and maintain it throughout the essay, which is good for establishing a clear position.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • novelty
  • excitement
  • latest trends
  • improvements
  • advancements
  • differentiating
  • competitors
  • innovation
  • progress
  • attracting attention
  • generating curiosity
What to do next:
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