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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that schools should invest more money in technology, such as more computers, while others think more money should be spent on teachers. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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In today’s modern society, there is a debate about whether schools should spend money on improving
technology
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 devices
such
Linking Words
 as computers or invest heavily in skilled
teachers
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. Both sides have valid arguments,
however
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, in my point of view, a balance of both is essential for the development of
students
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. The idea of investing in
technology
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 is crucial for preparing
students
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 for the future workforce, as
technology
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 is an integral part of modern society. By providing more computers and digital devices,
students
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 will have easy access to the internet which offers them a huge range of knowledge and
also
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 helps them to get used to the usage of several computer tasks
such
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 as Word, Excel and PowerPoint. These tasks are always used in any field of jobs and need a long period to be skilful.
Moreover
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,
technology
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 access can enhance a student's learning experience and facilitate personalized learning.
Besides
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 the original lecture,
students
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 not only can have equipment to self-study, but
also
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 broaden their knowledge via internet searching.
On the other hand
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, advocates for investing in
teachers
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 argue that the quality of education depends heavily on dedicated and expert educators. They believe that hiring and retaining qualified
teachers
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, providing them with ongoing professional development and reducing the class size can significantly improve the
overall
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 quality of student academic performances.
Furthermore
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, good
teachers
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 can not be replaced by
technology
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, because they have the ability to guide, inspire and motivate
students
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. In my view,
teachers
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 and
technology
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 play a vital role in education.
While
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technology
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 can enhance the learning process and give a wealth of information access,
this
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 should be complemented with guidance and support from
teachers
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.
Therefore
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, a balanced approach is necessary. In conclusion,
while
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 there are some arguments between investing in
technology
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 devices and
teachers
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, a balanced approach for both is essential to improve the
overall
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 development of education.
Students
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 should be equipped with a modern learning environment to utilize
technology
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 effectively
while
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also
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 nurturing by the guidance and mentorship of dedicated and professional
teachers
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.

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coherence cohesion
Try to use a wider range of linking words to enhance the flow between ideas.
task achievement
Consider including more specific examples and evidence to support each viewpoint to enhance the persuasiveness of your essay.
task achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure that your opinion is clearly stated and extensively developed throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
You've structured your essay well, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs for each viewpoint, and a conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction effectively sets up the essay's topic and structure.
task achievement
You've addressed all parts of the prompt, providing a balanced discussion of both viewpoints and your own opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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