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Band 6

It is better for college students to live in schools than live at home with their parents. Do you agree or disagree?

#college #students #schools #home #parents
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In modern days, a large number of undergraduate
students
 face the problem of living on the school’s
campus
 or living at
home
 with their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
. In
this
 essay, I will discuss both these viewpoints and give my own opinion.
To begin
 with, there are some advantages to living at
home
 with their
parents
.
Firstly
, living at
home
 can
provide
Verb problem
save
show examples
students
 from homesickness. In some cases, the majority of
students
 who live far away from their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 tend to be homesick and have psychological depression.
Consequently
, living at
home
 with
parents
 may offer certain comforts and conveniences,
such
 as
home
-cooked meals and a familiar environment.
However
, it can
also
 lead to a lack of independence and hinder a student's personal growth. Living at
home
 may limit opportunities for social interaction and involvement in
campus
 activities, potentially impacting a student's
overall
college
 experience.
On the other hand
,
firstly
, living on
campus
 promotes independence and responsibility.
College
students
 who live on their own learn important life
skills
such
 as cooking, cleaning, and managing their time and finances. These
skills
 are essential for their future success and can help them transition into adulthood more smoothly.
Additionally
, living on
campus
 allows
students
 to interact with a diverse group of peers, helping them to develop strong social and communication
skills
.
To sum up
,
while
 living at
home
 with
parents
 may offer some advantages, the benefits of living in schools far outweigh the drawbacks.
College
students
 can gain valuable life
skills
 and experience personal growth.
Therefore
, I strongly agree that it is better for
college
students
 to live in schools than live at
home
 with their
parents
.
Submitted by buyabuya201 on

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Examples
Make sure to provide specific examples to support your arguments, which will strengthen your essay and make your points more convincing.
Balance
Consider exploring both sides of the argument in a more balanced way to enhance the depth of your discussion.
Cohesion
Try to link your paragraphs more seamlessly through the use of transitional phrases, improving the flow of your essay.
Introduction/Conclusion
You provided a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively outlining your viewpoint.
Structure
Your essay demonstrates good logical structure, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument.
Argument Support
You successfully identified the benefits of living on campus, which supports your agreement with the statement.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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