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Band 6

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

#museums #charge #admission #people
Nowadays,
museums
 play a significant role in
people
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
get valuable information about their past. There are some
museums
 that are free,
while
 for
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
others
people
 should pay a certain amount of money. I believe that there are more disadvantages
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
 phenomenon than advantages. On the one hand, the economies of some countries depend on
such
 kind of facilities. If all
museums
 become free , it can create significant economic problems for the country as some small businesses gain most of their profit from
museums
 and they can observe economic downturns.
As a result
, these businesses cannot invest enough money to improve the quality of
museums
.
On the other hand
, there are obvious disadvantages
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 charging
people
 for admission to
museums
.
Firstly
, the prices of tickets for having access to
museums
 are not cheap and some
people
 cannot afford to pay money for
museums
.
As a result
, they can face financial challenges, and
this
 can lessen their financial sustainability.
Secondly
, paying for
museums
 can be an obstacle to students' development
as well as
 honing their outlook.
For instance
, by visiting
museums
, learners can learn more elaborate information about their traditions and cultures, and
also
,
museums
 can help students to be more knowledgeable about their history. If students do not have free access to
museums
, it can damage their development and can be a barrier to broadening their horizons. Taking everything into account,
while
 there are advantages of paying for
museums
such
 as their positive impact on the economy, I consider that the disadvantages, including its damage to the financial well-being of
people
 and potential barriers to children's development, outweigh the advantages.
Submitted by Name_1234 on

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Language Use
Consider enhancing the complexity of your sentence structures and vocabulary to more effectively convey your arguments.
Task Achievement
To strengthen your essay, include more specific examples and evidence to support your points.
Coherence & Cohesion
Clarify and expand on the economic impacts mentioned, providing concrete examples or statistics if possible.
Structure
Your essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, helping readers follow your argument.
Balanced Argument
You've done well in presenting both sides of the argument, maintaining a balanced discussion throughout your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Admission fee
  • Revenue stream
  • Maintenance
  • Overcrowding
  • Commercialization
  • Cultural heritage
  • Diverse attendance
  • Community ownership
  • Access to culture
  • Visitor experience
  • Exhibit quality
  • Cultural mission
  • Reliance on funding
  • Government subsidies
  • Cultural accessibility
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