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Writing Samples
Band 6

As cyber-perpetration is becoming a main online problem, social media and technological companies should be obligated by government to launch strict policy(ies) against cyber-bullying. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#cyber-perpetration #media #companies #government #policy #ies
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Have you ever experienced a cyber fraud? Nowadays, with the development of technology, Cyber-perpetration is alleged to be increasing all over the world.
However
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, some actions
such
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 as making media and relevant
companies
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 enact firm
rules
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 against these sorts of frauds, can be taken. I, personally agree with
this
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 approach. First and foremost, taking into account that immense private information like personal pictures is being shared all over social platforms like Twitter and Instagram, the host
companies
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 are responsible for launching strict
rules
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 against any cybercrime.
For instance
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, the government ought to make these
companies
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 enhance their platforms’ security and approve
rules
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 against any cyber-bullying. what it often leads to is limiting hackers' access, whereby they will no longer feel free to hack individuals’ personal accounts or bully them. With
this
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 method, these platforms will be safer.
As well as
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 that, The state should make technological corporations specifically, cellphone
companies
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 take strict courses against any cybercrime. Just consider thousands of Android users, Who have been hacked since their phones did not have sufficient security. To mitigate these sorts of catastrophes the corporations must have stricter policies to not only preserve their users’ privacy but
also
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 to diminish cyber-bullying.
To conclude
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, With the massive utilization of social applications, the authorities must make host
companies
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 have more firm
rules
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 to protect citizens' privacy and reduce the number of cyber attacks. I opine that with
this
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 approach, fewer cyber crimes will be committed and so far, I agree with
this
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 statement.
Submitted by Arman on

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task achievement
Ensure a clear stance is taken throughout the essay and avoid ambiguity especially in the introduction. It would be useful to explicitly state your position on the matter from the beginning.
task achievement
Develop your main points with more specific details and examples. Both body paragraphs would benefit from including real-life cases or statistics to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical flow of your ideas by providing clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly address the essay question.
coherence cohesion
Try to enhance cohesion by using a wider range of cohesive devices and transition phrases to better connect your ideas and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your introduction and conclusion are well-defined and clearly summarize the main points of your essay. While your introduction and conclusion are present, aim for a stronger thesis statement and a more conclusive final paragraph.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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