Nowadays longer distances are travelled by people to work and study on a daily basis. Some considered it to be a negative development. While others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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In
this
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modern era,
people
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often commute longer
distances
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to reach their workplaces and colleges. There can be various reasons behind
this
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situation and many
people
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consider it a positive
development
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.
While
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others don't think the same.
This
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essay will discuss both views and outline a conclusion to support my opinion. To start with, there are many
people
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in our daily lives who travel long
distances
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to work or study.
Also
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, there are many reasons behind the
distances
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they travel.
For instance
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, My job location is 45 minutes away from my home because I was not selected by any other company, I accepted what I was offered.
However
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, many
people
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are against
this
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mindset because they think it is a waste of
time
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to travel
such
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long
distances
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.
In addition
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, some
people
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focus on their travelling
time
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rather than the opportunities they are getting to study or work which is a root cause of negative
development
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. On the other side, there is a positive mindset regarding
this
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situation where
people
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cherish the opportunities that they achieve by travelling long
distances
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.
For example
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, my brother's college is 1 hour away from his house.
Although
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he had options to get admission to the colleges nearby he chose the quality of education over the travelling
time
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.
Also
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,
people
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often prefer to utilize their travelling
time
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by doing productive things like developing new skills.
Hence
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, it is possible to learn new things
while
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travelling and I consider
this
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mindset as a positive
development
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. In conclusion, I believe, focusing on the quality of education or the workplace over long commutes is a positive
development
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.
Also
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,
people
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learning extra skills
while
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travelling is an addition towards positive
development
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.
Submitted by tirththakkar23 on

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Task Achievement
Ensure your introduction fully outlines the issue at hand. While your introduction mentions that opinions differ on whether commuting long distances is positive, be clear about presenting both sides of the argument from the start.
Task Achievement
In developing paragraphs, aim to balance the discussion by dedicating equal effort and detail to opposing views. Although you've provided personal examples, incorporating a wider range of evidence could strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay benefits from a clear logical structure, which aids in understanding your argument. To further enhance cohesion, consider using a variety of linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas.
Task Achievement
While your conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoint, to achieve a higher score, explicitly restate and address the key points discussed in both viewpoints before stating your opinion.
Task Achievement
The use of personal examples to support your points is effective.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a clear progression of ideas, making it easier for the reader to follow.
Task Achievement
Good effort in presenting both sides of the argument, reflecting an understanding of the task requirements.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • commuting
  • negative development
  • stress levels
  • mental health issues
  • productivity
  • personal and professional life balance
  • life satisfaction
  • job opportunities
  • educational institutions
  • career prospects
  • quality education
  • personal development
  • highly connected world
  • mindset
  • strategies
  • minimizes
  • maximizes
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