Nowadays longer distances are travelled by people to work and study on a daily basis. Some considered it to be a negative development. While others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
In
this
modern era, people
often commute longer distances
to reach their workplaces and colleges. There can be various reasons behind this
situation and many people
consider it a positive development
. While
others don't think the same. This
essay will discuss both views and outline a conclusion to support my opinion.
To start with, there are many people
in our daily lives who travel long distances
to work or study. Also
, there are many reasons behind the distances
they travel. For instance
, My job location is 45 minutes away from my home because I was not selected by any other company, I accepted what I was offered. However
, many people
are against this
mindset because they think it is a waste of time
to travel such
long distances
. In addition
, some people
focus on their travelling time
rather than the opportunities they are getting to study or work which is a root cause of negative development
.
On the other side, there is a positive mindset regarding this
situation where people
cherish the opportunities that they achieve by travelling long distances
. For example
, my brother's college is 1 hour away from his house. Although
he had options to get admission to the colleges nearby he chose the quality of education over the travelling time
. Also
, people
often prefer to utilize their travelling time
by doing productive things like developing new skills. Hence
, it is possible to learn new things while
travelling and I consider this
mindset as a positive development
.
In conclusion, I believe, focusing on the quality of education or the workplace over long commutes is a positive development
. Also
, people
learning extra skills while
travelling is an addition towards positive development
.Submitted by tirththakkar23 on
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Task Achievement
Ensure your introduction fully outlines the issue at hand. While your introduction mentions that opinions differ on whether commuting long distances is positive, be clear about presenting both sides of the argument from the start.
Task Achievement
In developing paragraphs, aim to balance the discussion by dedicating equal effort and detail to opposing views. Although you've provided personal examples, incorporating a wider range of evidence could strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay benefits from a clear logical structure, which aids in understanding your argument. To further enhance cohesion, consider using a variety of linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas.
Task Achievement
While your conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoint, to achieve a higher score, explicitly restate and address the key points discussed in both viewpoints before stating your opinion.
Task Achievement
The use of personal examples to support your points is effective.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a clear progression of ideas, making it easier for the reader to follow.
Task Achievement
Good effort in presenting both sides of the argument, reflecting an understanding of the task requirements.