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Writing Samples
Band 7

The first chart below gives information about the money spent by British parents on their children's sprots between 2008 and 2014 and the second one shows the number of children who paticipated in three sports in Britain over the same period.

The first chart below gives information about the money spent by British parents on their children's sprots between 2008 and 2014 and the second one shows the number of children who paticipated in three sports in Britain over the same period.
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The first chart depicts the average expenditure on
children
Use synonyms
's
sports
Use synonyms
 each month by British parents
while
Linking Words
 the second illustrates the
number
Use synonyms
 of
children
Use synonyms
 taking part in three
sports
Use synonyms
 in Britain at the same time.
Overall
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, it can be seen that the money spent on
children
Use synonyms
's
sports
Use synonyms
 witnessed a gradual rise
while
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 the
number
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 of
children
Use synonyms
 taking part in three
sports
Use synonyms
 experienced growth in the period time in question.
Besides
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, football was the most popular sport.
To begin
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 with, in 2008 the
number
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 of football participants started at around 8
million
Use synonyms
children
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 and it
then
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 relatively remained stable in 2010.
However
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, the figure significantly rose to 9
million
Use synonyms
children
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 in 2012 and continuously went up in 2014. If we look at swimming, the trend is similar. The
number
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 of
children
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 opting into swimming began at around 2
million
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 and the figure
then
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 sustainably increased and reached around 3.75
million
Use synonyms
children
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.
Lastly
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, in the first two years, the
number
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 of
children
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 who participated in athletics was unchanged at under 1
million
Use synonyms
 but it
then
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 remarkably increased to 5
million
Use synonyms
 in 2012.
However
Linking Words
, the figure experienced a slight decline
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 around 4.5
million
Use synonyms
 in 2014. Moving on to the other categories, there was a substantial growth in the amount of money spent on
children
Use synonyms
's
sports
Use synonyms
 by British parents each month which started at 20 pounds and peaked at 33 pounds in 2014.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words children, sports, number, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 4 times.
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