IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The friends that children have are a very important part of their lives. What kinds of influence may children's friends have on them? What can parents do ensure that children's friends are a good influence on them?

6.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Friendships
Use synonyms
 help
children
Use synonyms
 to develop various skills. Individuals who spend time with their
friends
Use synonyms
 can be impacted in more than one way. I think
parents
Use synonyms
 should openly communicate and take a genuine interest in their
children
Use synonyms
's daily activities to learn their behaviours.
Body paragraph 1
The first major impact of friendship is the development of social and emotional skills. By interacting and sharing daily experiences,
children
Use synonyms
 enhance communication skills effectively, including sharing ideas and learning to cooperate. These aspects ensure positivity and encourage respectful
behaviour
Use synonyms
, which will be greatly helpful to maintain a strong relationship.
This
Linking Words
 can
further
Linking Words
 develop confidence and motivation among peers.
Body paragraph 2
Some of the
friendships
Use synonyms
 can be negative as well, as they can lead a friend in the wrong direction, resulting in inappropriate
behaviour
Use synonyms
 and negative consequences. At a young age,
children
Use synonyms
 are highly influenced by
friends
Use synonyms
 and easily impressed by their decisions, which can be very harmful for them. If
friends
Use synonyms
 show disrespectful
behaviour
Use synonyms
,
children
Use synonyms
 gradually adopt that
behaviour
Use synonyms
 in order to stay in that friend circle.
Consequently
Linking Words
, negative
friendships
Use synonyms
 can affect both
behaviour
Use synonyms
 and decision-making.
Body paragraph 3
In my view, open communication can help
parents
Use synonyms
 to determine what kind of
friends
Use synonyms
 their
children
Use synonyms
 have. It is very necessary for
parents
Use synonyms
 to stay involved and engage with their
children
Use synonyms
's daily activities.
This
Linking Words
 practice will not only help
parents
Use synonyms
 to build a close relationship with their
children
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 encourage sharing daily conversations with each other.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 can arrange opportunities to meet with their
children
Use synonyms
's
friends
Use synonyms
, where they can easily observe their
behaviour
Use synonyms
 and identify any negative influence.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
friends
Use synonyms
 are a very integral part of our lives , and
children
Use synonyms
 can be influenced by both positive and negative
friendships
Use synonyms
. In order to keep their friendship circle healthy,
parents
Use synonyms
 should spend some time with their
children
Use synonyms
 to understand who they spend time with and observe their
behaviour
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
You answer both parts of the question. To make your ideas stronger, add one clear real-life example. For example, a child may start to study more when friends enjoy school, or may copy bad acts to fit in.
task response
Explain the good side in more detail. You say friends help with social and emotional skills, but show how this helps a child at home or at school.
task response
Make the parent ideas more full. You can add that parents should set clear rules, know where children go, and help them join good groups such as sport or school clubs.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: good effects, bad effects, what parents can do, then a short end. Keep this clear plan.
coherence and cohesion
Use links more carefully. Some links are good, such as “Consequently” and “Moreover”, but do not use many general links if the next idea is not fully explained.
coherence and cohesion
Make some sentences more direct. For example, change “These aspects ensure positivity” to “These skills help children be kind and work well with others.” This is clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same idea about parents being involved. Join close ideas and then add a new point, such as rules or safe activities.
task response
You cover both positive and negative effects of friends, and you give useful ways for parents to help.
task response
Your main ideas are relevant: children can learn social skills, copy bad acts, and parents can talk with them and meet their friends.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one main focus, so the reader can follow your ideas easily.
coherence and cohesion
You use an introduction and a conclusion, and both match the main ideas in the essay.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: