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Band 5.5

Some people think that watching sport is a waste of leasure time.Do you agree or disagree

#people #sport #waste #leasure #time
Many people argue that engaging in
sports
 is not a smart way to spend someone's time.
Although
sports
 can be
initially
 time-consuming, I strongly disagree with the above statement and
this
 essay will discuss my opinion on the phenomenon.
Firstly
, engaging in
sports
 activities is a healthy way of improving
one
's health and preventing illnesses. Many people nowadays are becoming health conscious and
chooaing
Correct your spelling
choosing
 a sport as a hobby is
one
 of the few many things that can help
one
 live a healthy lifestyle.
Consequently
, these activities can not only improve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ohysical
Correct your spelling
physical
 health but
also
 the mental aspect as performing an exercise can release a hormone called endorphins which is what we normally call a "happy hormone".
This
 hormone can improve a person's mood and energy levels throughout the day
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is why some people jog in the morning before going to work.
Moreover
, giving a child a chance to participate in
sports
while
 they are young can open up opportunities for them when they get older. Famous athletes that we know
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
today started training when they were young and it is evident that their
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
 paid off. An example of
this
 would be the famous
footbll
Correct your spelling
football
 player, David Beckham. He was trained by his father at a young age in their backyard
a
Change preposition
as a
show examples
form of leisure time but today, he is now known as
one
 of the best football
player
Change to a plural noun
players
show examples
 in the world. In conclusion, joining
sports
 activities is a good way to maintain a healthy body and mind.
In addition
,
sports
 can open up new beginnings for all of us.
Submitted by joycegacho on

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positive
Well-structured argument supported by relevant examples, enhancing the overall clarity and persuasiveness of your essay.
improvement
Consider using a wider range of vocabulary and complex sentences to enrich your essay and demonstrate language proficiency.
improvement
Pay attention to spelling and typographical errors (e.g., 'ohysical' instead of 'physical', 'chooaing' instead of 'choosing', 'footbll' instead of 'football'). Correct these to enhance your essay's presentation.
improvement
To strengthen your argument, you might want to include counterarguments and refute them. This will show a deeper level of analysis.
positive
Use of a relevant personal example (David Beckham) to support your argument.
positive
Your introduction and conclusion are effectively connected, providing a cohesive view on your stance towards the topic.

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  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
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