IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that watching sport is a waste of leasure time.Do you agree or disagree

#people #sport #waste #leasure #time
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many people argue that engaging in
sports
Use synonyms
 is not a smart way to spend someone's time.
Although
Linking Words
sports
Use synonyms
 can be
initially
Linking Words
 time-consuming, I strongly disagree with the above statement and
this
Linking Words
 essay will discuss my opinion on the phenomenon.
Firstly
Linking Words
, engaging in
sports
Use synonyms
 activities is a healthy way of improving
one
Use synonyms
's health and preventing illnesses. Many people nowadays are becoming health conscious and
chooaing
Correct your spelling
choosing
 a sport as a hobby is
one
Use synonyms
 of the few many things that can help
one
Use synonyms
 live a healthy lifestyle.
Consequently
Linking Words
, these activities can not only improve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ohysical
Correct your spelling
physical
 health but
also
Linking Words
 the mental aspect as performing an exercise can release a hormone called endorphins which is what we normally call a "happy hormone".
This
Linking Words
 hormone can improve a person's mood and energy levels throughout the day
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is why some people jog in the morning before going to work.
Moreover
Linking Words
, giving a child a chance to participate in
sports
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 they are young can open up opportunities for them when they get older. Famous athletes that we know
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
today started training when they were young and it is evident that their
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
 paid off. An example of
this
Linking Words
 would be the famous
footbll
Correct your spelling
football
 player, David Beckham. He was trained by his father at a young age in their backyard
a
Change preposition
as a
show examples
form of leisure time but today, he is now known as
one
Use synonyms
 of the best football
player
Change to a plural noun
players
show examples
 in the world. In conclusion, joining
sports
Use synonyms
 activities is a good way to maintain a healthy body and mind.
In addition
Linking Words
,
sports
Use synonyms
 can open up new beginnings for all of us.
Submitted by joycegacho on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

positive
Well-structured argument supported by relevant examples, enhancing the overall clarity and persuasiveness of your essay.
improvement
Consider using a wider range of vocabulary and complex sentences to enrich your essay and demonstrate language proficiency.
improvement
Pay attention to spelling and typographical errors (e.g., 'ohysical' instead of 'physical', 'chooaing' instead of 'choosing', 'footbll' instead of 'football'). Correct these to enhance your essay's presentation.
improvement
To strengthen your argument, you might want to include counterarguments and refute them. This will show a deeper level of analysis.
positive
Use of a relevant personal example (David Beckham) to support your argument.
positive
Your introduction and conclusion are effectively connected, providing a cohesive view on your stance towards the topic.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: