Topic 10: In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations.

It is a common phenomenon in developed
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
that average
life
expectancy
is
leveling
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levelling
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up
following
Wrong verb form
followed
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with
Change preposition
by
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problems for both individuals and societies. I am going to discuss about the potential
crsis
Correct your spelling
crisis
and give some
suggestion
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suggestions
show examples
accordingly
.
Firstly
, from the individual's perspective, the increasing average
life
anticipation is equivalent to the longer working periods in
life
.
Thesedays
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These days
, the cost of living is increasing all over the world, especially in developed countries. Without a
job
,
people
may find it hard to earn
salary
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a salary
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and feed themselves.
Therefore
, the working periods
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
growing
together with
the average
life
expectancy
because
people
need to make sure that they have enough finial support until they retire. As for the society, one of the most significant problems is the employment. Companies tend to prefer young
people
, like graduated students. Because they are considered to be more energetic and more creative.
However
, as the average
life
expectancy
increasing
Wrong verb form
increases
show examples
,
middle-aged
Correct article usage
the middle-aged
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population become bigger. And
due to
the preference for young
people
, many middle-aged
people
may be fired by their host
insititution
Correct your spelling
institution
institutions
or being replaced by the youngsters.
Worsestill
Correct your spelling
Worse still
, once
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
middle-aged
people
are fired, they will face the difficulties of finding a new
job
. And the loss of their jobs can
further
lead to individual mental problems like depression or anxiety. Based on the hardship of
individual
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individuals
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and society, I
come
Wrong verb form
came
show examples
up with two suggestions. For
the
Correct article usage
apply
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individuals, I encourage
people
never
stop
Fix the infinitive
to stop
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learning. Many
people
quit
Wrong verb form
studying
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study
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studying
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after finding a
job
or think there is no necessary to learn.
However
,
due to
the increasing average
life
expectancy
, if a person
intend
Change the verb form
intends
show examples
to maintain advantages in
job
hunting, learning new knowledge is essential. It helps
individual
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individuals
show examples
to keep up with the latest
trend
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trends
show examples
and be more competitive. For
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society, I recommend government
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
develop
well-established
Add an article
a well-established
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policy towards
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
employment and help protect every employee's rights so that
people
can be
more calm
Replace the words
calmer
show examples
when facing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
transit.
Submitted by asllchkied on

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introduction
Begin with a more direct introduction to the topic. While it's good to state the issue clearly, adding a sentence that directly addresses the topic can make your introduction stronger.
sentence structure
Aim for more variety in sentence structures to enhance the readability of your essay. Using a mix of complex and compound sentences can make your argument more engaging.
examples
Try to incorporate more specific examples to support your arguments. This will strengthen your essay by providing concrete evidence of your points.
solution development
In discussing solutions, ensure your ideas are fully developed. It's beneficial to explain how and why these measures can effectively address the issues at hand.
topic coverage
Your essay addresses both individual and societal perspectives, which shows a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
structure
You've structured your essay logically with clear paragraphs for each main point, aiding the reader in following your argument.
solution relevance
The suggestions provided are practical and relevant, reflecting a thoughtful approach to solving the issue described.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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