In many countries governments are investing in new technology to deal with the public. Why is this happening? Do you think this is an appropriate use of government money?

In
this
digital age, modern technology is being invested by many governments to control the public with its harmless method.
This
writer believes that
this
is an inappropriate way to use government money
due to
the fact that there are much safer solutions to handle the crowd. It must be understood that many devices are being developed to stop protesters without causing much injury.
This
is because of the fact that the traditional way to stop rebels with pepper spray is considered inhumane and can potentially cause blindness.
Therefore
, governments are in search
for
Change preposition
of
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the safest way to halt campaigns by funding
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
scientists and engineers for safer means. Take the US as an example, they have come up with an automatic turret which can concentrate heat on a person for a very short time so they would feel pain but not too long to leave a scar. In
this
writer’s opinion, money used for high-tech weapons could be utilized to meet citizens’ demands. It is self-evident that most protests occur because many people find some things unsatisfactory and the governors do not bother to improve them.
Thus
, leaders should fund projects that aim to improve
infrastructures
Fix the agreement mistake
infrastructure
show examples
in the cities and the standard of life for the city dwellers.
Consequently
, there will be fewer complaints from individuals and the authority does not have to resort to violence. In conclusion, governments in many countries are investing in technology to produce non-lethal weapons which can deal with the
pubic
Correct your spelling
public
show examples
. Meanwhile,
this
writer thinks that
such
money should be used to raise people’s quality of life.
Submitted by khoi11nk11e on

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task achievement
Ensure the essay directly addresses all parts of the prompt thoroughly. While the essay discusses why governments invest in technology and offers a viewpoint on its appropriateness, further detail and exploration of these reasons could enhance the response.
coherence and cohesion
Use a variety of linking words and cohesive devices more effectively to enhance the logical flow of the essay, ensuring all paragraphs seamlessly connect ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Review and clarify argument points for stronger support, ensuring each main idea is robustly developed with examples and explanations.
task achievement
Try to address the essay prompt more explicitly and thoroughly. Discussing the reasons behind government investment in technology and evaluating its appropriateness requires a balanced discussion of both aspects of the question.
task achievement
You've successfully developed a clear stance throughout the essay, making your viewpoint on the issue evident.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and provide a coherent overview and summation of the essay's main points.
task achievement
You provided a relevant example with the US automatic turret to support your argument, which helps in illustrating your point.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • digital transformation
  • service delivery
  • transparency
  • accountability
  • tech-savvy
  • contemporary lifestyle
  • public satisfaction
  • data management
  • smart city technologies
  • predictive policing
  • data privacy
  • digital divide
  • inclusivity
  • governance
  • infrastructure
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