IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries goverments are investing in new technology to deal with public. Why is this happening? Do you think this is an appropriate use of goverment money?

#countries #goverments #technology #goverment #money
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Governments in many countries are spending
money
 on modern
technology
 to deal with the citizens.The origin of
this
 trend comes from increasing social issues.
Additionally
,
this
 amount of investment seems worthy because it
also
 brings benefits to society. The main reason that the leaders of countries use so much
money
 to create new
technology
 is
talking
Change the verb form
to talk
show examples
 about the growing up of social ills.These problems have a bad effect on every nation,they
are heavily influenced
Change the verb form
have heavily influenced
show examples
the development process in both economics and culture.Fortunately,it was soon realised that science and
technology
 can play a vital role in avoiding and cutting down the worst results.
For example
,the cure for the century disease HIV/AIDS is being invested in research .If the project is successful, millions will not die,and the world will be protected from dangerous illnesses by biology
technology
. In the best cases, digital technologies are contributing to massive improvements in access to public services, the provision of social protection, and economic opportunities for millions of people.
Nonetheless
, profound questions are being raised. Some of these focus on corporate control and ownership of digital infrastructure and platforms. Large private firms own and manage many of the world’s underlying digital systems, with enormous influence over users of the technologies and potentially even the governments with a mandate to regulate them. Others focus on how digital technologies have opened the door to new forms of government surveillance, empowered autocrats with repressive digital tools, exacerbated inequalities, and encouraged social divisions through the spread of disinformation. In conclusion,the trend of investing
money
 in new equipment to deal with the crowds happened from social problems phenomenon.
Moreover
,
this
money
 is valuable because it
also
 has
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
beneficial effects

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structure
Ensure a clear distinction between paragraphs to enhance readability and maintain the logical flow of your essay.
language
Work on varying your sentence structures to demonstrate a higher range of language ability.
content
Incorporate more specific examples to support your arguments. While you have provided some, richer details could strengthen your points further.
content
Your essay provides a strong connection between technology investments and societal benefits, effectively addressing the prompt.
structure
You've structured your essay logically, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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