IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries governments are investing in new technology to deal with the public. why is this happening? Do you think this is an appropriate use of government money?

#countries #governments #technology #government #money
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In the digital age, the authorities are paying more attention to state-of-the-art devices to please the community.
This
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 occurs
due to
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 the rising demands for better living conditions for citizens, which reason
that is
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 understandable and worth the expense from the state. It is crucial to recognize that society is developing more powerfully than ever, which explains the higher necessities of local people as they want to be pleased and served better by modern gadgets.
Therefore
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, as the responsibility of dealing with inhabitants, the governments should acknowledge that they need to spend more on autonomous machinery and AI robotics. Some developed nations like China and America have been applying technology to daily life, including driverless vehicles or automatic service robots. In
this
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 writer’s opinion,
this
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 is a reasonable step towards the country’s thriving
as well as
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 the public’s sake. Since the assistance of modern equipment can benefit inhabitants in the vast majority of fields, investing more in them will help the authorities receive respect from local citizens.
Moreover
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, applying autonomous robotics in industry or agriculture fields will boost the efficiency and productivity of the work,
thus
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 giving financial improvement
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the nation. In conclusion, expenditure in the technology aspect results from people’s demands for an improved lifestyle and for the development of the community’s economy.
Therefore
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, the government should consider thoroughly in
this
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 investment.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay presents a solid structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. To further enhance your score, consider adding more diverse sentence structures and transitional phrases to improve flow and readability.
Task Achievement
To elevate your task achievement score, aim to provide more detailed and specific examples to support your arguments. Though you mentioned the use of technology in fields such as driverless vehicles and automatic service robots, offering concrete examples or case studies can make your arguments more convincing.
Task Achievement
The essay effectively addresses the prompt, offering a coherent argument on why governments are investing in new technology and whether it's an appropriate use of funds.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic, and you have logically structured your argument, which helps the reader to follow your line of reasoning.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • digital transformation
  • service delivery
  • transparency
  • accountability
  • tech-savvy
  • contemporary lifestyle
  • public satisfaction
  • data management
  • smart city technologies
  • predictive policing
  • data privacy
  • digital divide
  • inclusivity
  • governance
  • infrastructure
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