In mant countries are investing in new technology to deal with the public. Why is this happening? Do you think this is an appropriate use of government money?
In
this
world's digital age, governments in numerous countries are putting faith and money into new developments in technology
to satisfy the public. Despite boosts in economics, critics, including me, have proposed that this
utilization of the government budget is not suitable due to
the problem of unemployment.
It must be acknowledged that technology
is now a vital factor in humans' daily lives. This
is especially true when the appearance of technology
is shown in every place that is
known, such
as houses and factories. As a result
, the investment in new technology
will be economically beneficial, as human labor
and demand will eventually be replaced by machines that could operate more efficiently than an artificial workforce. Change the spelling
labour
For instance
, in order to mitigate the potential risk and damaging cost that could be caused by human error, many construction companies have changed their workforces from artificially
to robotically.
Change the word
artificial
Nonetheless
, this
phenomenon is prone to the drawbacks caused by the issue of unemployment. Due to
possible changes to the workforce, the quantity of jobs will gradually decrease. Subsequently
, humans would face an occupation crisis as the only people with appropriate qualifications or having
experience with robots could totally dominate the remaining jobs. Unnecessary verb
apply
For example
, factory workers have caused riots outside factories of a production chain in the UK; according to
them, they have been sacked suddenly and suffer from poverty because they lost their financial source
Correct your spelling
resources
to
the hands of robots.
In conclusion, advanced Change preposition
at
technology
will increase the GDP and GRDP, securing a country's finances. However
, this
will cause unemployment and a possible rise in crime rates as a consequence
of that investment.Submitted by [email protected] on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
To further improve, ensure each paragraph is tightly focused around a single main idea, supporting it with a clear example.
task achievement
Consider exploring a wider range of examples and impacts, including positive societal changes or advancements, to provide a more balanced viewpoint in your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion that draw the reader through the argument cohesively.
task achievement
You've made good use of examples to support your points, like the case of factory workers in the UK and the usage of robots in construction, which makes your arguments more convincing.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!