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Band 8

(VMN)In many countries governments are investing in new technology to deal with the public. Why this happening? Do you think this is an appropriate use of government money?

#vmn #countries #governments #technology #government #money
A number of nations' governments are spending the most money on the latest
technology
 as a solution
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 social problems. It can be easily understood that catching up with digital development is necessary to manage the country and benefit citizens, though government money should
also
 be invested in educational strategy. It is acknowledged that
technology
 nowadays plays a vital role in controlling and enhancing a nation. Updating to the latest version of
technology
 gives the government a chance to access it widely and swiftly within the entire country and quickly come up with a suitable solution for a certain existing matter.
Furthermore
, having up-to-date digital achievements
such
 as automation and AI can bring many conveniences to the inhabitants in many aspects. Take Japan,
for instance
, where the 5G (Fifth Generation) has been obtained and people can now purchase a meal, a drink, or an overnight room in capsule hotels through numerous vending machines and automatic systems with few interactions, or even with only their phones. Notwithstanding, it will not be good if the money is spent primarily on
this
 area. Developed
technology
 acquires a higher level of knowledge than in the past, and education
therefore
 needs much attention in order to form a firm and fundamental foundation of knowledge for students. The adjustment in Vietnamese education in recent years is an obvious example, when there are more and more new achievements in plenty of subjects, especially mathematics and IT, which are important to be added to gradually old-fashioned studying materials along three grades: Grade 8, Grade 9, and Grade 10, with the intention of altering teaching strategies in universities in the upcoming years. All in all, the necessity to catch up with the latest technological achievements has led to the major investment in
technology
 by many countries’ governments.
This
,
however
, would be better spent balanced on educational enhancement too.

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coherence cohesion
To further enhance your essay, consider varying your sentence structure more and implementing a wider range of linking words to demonstrate advanced coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
To achieve the highest scores, ensure every paragraph precisely contributes to the overall argument, and every claim is supported by specific examples or evidence.
introduction conclusion present
You have done an excellent job of introducing and concluding your essay with a clear thesis statement and summary of your arguments.
logical structure
Your essay presents a logical flow of ideas, maintaining a strong connection between paragraphs.
supported main points
You provided relevant examples to support your main points, such as the adoption of 5G technology in Japan, enhancing the persuasiveness of your argument.
complete response
Your response comprehensively addresses the prompts, offering clear and detailed explanations for why governments invest in technology and assessing its appropriateness.
clear comprehensive ideas
The ideas presented in your essay are articulated clearly and comprehensively, making it easy for the reader to understand your position.
relevant specific examples
Your usage of specific examples, like the changes in Vietnamese education and technology adoption in Japan, significantly enhances the relevance and specificity of your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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